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Coping with Grief and Loss over the Holidays

Grief and Holidays

In October of 2015 the man who had been my husband for fifty-six years died. December found me still numb with grief and loss. As my children and I struggled to navigate the season without a compass, we were feeling a lot of things. Joy wasn’t one of them. If it was there, it was buried under a thick layer of pain.

It was time to write the annual holiday letter Jerry and I had always written together, but I felt lost.

Should I just skip it and leave friends wondering whether they’d been abandoned? Should I spill tears all over the page? Should I put on a happy face to hide the pain?

None of those choices seemed right.

Then I reflected on what had followed Jerry’s death. I realized that this was a season when grief, like the Wise Men, came bearing gifts.

I rarely weep, but tears were a gift that relieved my anguish. Old photo albums revived happy memories. I was comforted by the simple presence of my family and others who loved me. My church community took over all of the funeral planning challenges. Neighbors brought food and chipped in with practical help. Loving messages poured in through letters, cards, and phone calls. Friends picked up relatives at the airport. Jerry’s former colleagues offered help.

And so I wrote my holiday letter mindful of the gifts I was receiving, gifts wrapped in love. The grief didn’t leave, but my dominant emotion became gratitude.

I decided to write as honestly as I could. The pain was there and I acknowledged it. I realized I was not alone, that many of my friends were suffering too. A few of them had also lost a loved one. Others might be facing a frightening medical diagnosis, or the end of a marriage, or a child mired in addiction. Or they were haunted by the gnawing fears of aging or loneliness.

My own grief had sensitized me to coping with loss that was also confronting others. I realized that many of the people who wrote only about family fun and personal successes and talented kids were also carrying an invisible bucket of tears. But keeping pain locked in a closet carries an emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical cost. I wanted to be real, hoping this would give others permission to do the same.

My former pastor once said, “We love others because of their vulnerability, not their strength.” If you’re ready to risk being vulnerable, you might begin, “This has been a hard year.” Or “a year of love and loss.” Or, more positively, “This has been a year of grit and grace.” Be positive but be real. Your own truth-telling may free others to face their own situation with courage.

On a positive note, remember you’re still alive. You’re a survivor. Reflect on your own sources of strength. Work? Faith? Family? Friends? A larger purpose? A stubborn will that won’t give up? Name it and claim it. Others may need to hear what has helped you.

Finally, include at least one story in your letter. After he died people wanted to tell me stories about Jerry. Many surprised me. They illustrated his kindness and generosity and humility. They sparkled with humor. They showed why so many people loved him. I put them in my letter.

Ending your letter on a positive note will bring hope to the recipients. Your honesty will inspire courage. Your letter may be the best gift a friend dealing with grief and loss receives.

And having given it will bring you something that feels like joy.

This essay appeared in USA Today on 12/11/17

Contributing author – Carolyn Parr with Tough Conversations

By |December 15th, 2017|Categories: Blog, coping with loss, funeral planning challenges, Grief and Holidays, Grief and Loss|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on Coping with Grief and Loss over the Holidays

Death Facebook Twitter Instagram Social Media Passwords

Death and Social Media Passwords
Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

What is Your Digital Legacy Plan?

Most people plan to document their final wishes in a last will and testament but not many consider including instructions on what should happen to their Facebook page when they die. With over 1.9 billion users on Facebook, over 300 million on Twitter, and who knows how many on other online sites, having a digital legacy plan is becoming more important than ever in these modern times.

Where do you Start?

It’s difficult enough trying to remember login passwords, so creating a detailed plan for all your email and social media accounts can seem like a daunting task. Still, it’s best to start planning sooner rather than later, and some of the media apps already have documented plans for dealing with accounts of the deceased. Here’s how Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram handle it:

What happens to my Facebook page when I die?

Facebook is the most popular networking app in the world and they offer two options for your profile after your death:

1. Memorialization – your profile can be memorialized to serve as a gathering place for family and friends to post memories and remembrances. You can choose to memorialize your page in advance by selecting a “legacy contact” to administer the account after your passing. The legacy contact (who needs to be a Facebook friend) will be responsible for managing the account, e.g., updating profile pictures or responding to friend requests. However, they have limited capabilities and cannot read your private messages or gain full access to your profile.

2. Permanent deletion – this option can also be requested in advance. Once your account is permanently deleted, it will no longer be seen on Facebook and cannot be reactivated. You’ll still need to select a legacy contact for this, but the person won’t be able to log into your account or make posts/updates.

Note that only verified immediate family members can ask Facebook to remove a loved one’s account, and they must provide either a valid death certificate or proof of authority and proof of their loved one’s passing in order to get the account deactivated.

What happens to my Twitter profile when I die?

Twitter’s policy states that they can only deactivate a dead person’s account based on a request from a verified family member or estate executor. After the deactivation request is received, Twitter ensures validity by obtaining details such as the death certificate, obituary information, and requester identification. Only then will the deceased’s account be removed from the site.

Twitter also states they are unable to provide account access to anyone other than the account owner, regardless of their relationship to the deceased. So without the necessary proof of death, vital statistics, and no memorialization options, a dead person’s Twitter account is often left as is, which can sometimes lead to unfortunate tweets from beyond.

What happens to my Instagram account when I die?

Instagram is owned by Facebook so they also offer account removal or memorialization based on a valid request from an immediate family member. The requester must fill out a form to get the process started and provide proof of death (death certificate, obituary notice) as well as evidence that they are related to the deceased. Unlike their parent company, Instagram does not allow you to choose removal or memorialization in advance, and they do not provide account access or login details for a memorialized account.

Creating a Digital Legacy Plan

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram comprise only a small share of an average person’s digital legacy. Other digital assets include various online accounts such as:

  • Email
  • Personal & business websites
  • Social media profiles (LinkedIn, Pinterest, YouTube, Google+, Snapchat)
  • Communication apps (Skype, WhatsApp, FaceTime)
  • Gaming (Xbox, Wii, PlayStation)
  • Financial service sites (banking, trading, retirement)
  • Shopping sites (Amazon, eBay, Craigslist, brand stores)
  • Entertainment accounts (Netflix, Hulu, cable tv)
  • Other apps & accounts (Uber, Airbnb, Expedia, PayPal, etc.)

The list can go on forever depending on how extensive your digital footprint is. That’s why it’s important to make a digital legacy plan and select a “digital executor” to manage, protect, and preserve your online assets. Getting started on the planning process early is the only way to ensure all your accounts are handled properly in accordance with your end of life plans and preferences.

Choose a digital executor who is technically savvy and sensitive to the confidential details of your digital estate. Whoever you select will need to be aware of state laws governing access to a person’s digital assets.

The Revised Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act, completed by the Uniform Law Commission and currently enacted in 35 states, allows fiduciaries or executors to manage digital property like computer files, web domains, and virtual currency. However, the Act restricts access to electronic communications such as email, text messages, and social media accounts unless the original user consented in a will, living trust, power of attorney, or other record. If you already have a will, you can add your digital legacy plan to your will to ensure legality.

Creating a digital legacy plan to manage your online assets is just as important as having a will to protect your physical assets when you die, so make sure to include one in your end of life decision-making process. It will give you and your family much-needed peace of mind when the time comes.

Contributed by Christine Gatuiria at FuneralContentCreative. She writes and creates engaging content for the funeral and death care industry.

How to Cope with Grief

How to Cope with Grief and
the Barrier to Grief

What do we mean by grief?

Coping with the grief and loss of someone you love can be one of life’s biggest challenges.  In fact, the barrier to grief can be utterly overwhelming. Grieving is the natural human process by which we begin to come to terms with our grief and loss.

We all grieve in our own way

We all cope with grief and loss in different ways. Some people want to hide away quietly, others want to be busy and begin organizing. Some people surprise themselves that they appear to feel nothing at all. Others are waiting for the right time.

None of these are right or wrong.

The barrier to grief

As a counsellor in Tunbridge Wells working with grief and bereavement, one thing I have come to find is that most people who are newly bereaved are fighting a battle on two fronts. They are not only trying to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, they are also faced with their own, often life-long, processes of coping with the barrier to grief.

Their own methods for keeping safe can actually get in the way of allowing them to grieve now.   Therefore, it is very common that when we go to counseling for help with grief and loss, we are first of all faced with ourselves; “I can’t cry”, “I can’t stop crying”, “I’m having panic attacks”.

Each of us will have had a unique upbringing with different messages through which we learned different ways to think, feel, or be in order to be loved, praised, accepted; “Chin up, men don’t cry, get on with it.”, “Don’t be so selfish, think how hard this is for …!”, “Are you still upset about that?”. With messages like these, is it any surprise that so many people find it hard to process loss.

Thinking back to all those times you heard similar messages, I wonder if you can remember what you would have liked to have heard, how you would have liked to be treated. Now with those new messages in mind, is there room for a little self-nurture today? Can you say those messages or ask to be treated differently while you embrace this difficult time?

When it comes to coping with grief, and the barrier to grief, there is no right way. There is no time limit. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel.

How To Find The Best Burial Insurance Policy

Finding a Burial Insurance Policy

Sadly, the world we live in today has many seniors who are without the means to ensure their final expenses are all taken care of financially. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult and emotionally stressful things anyone can endure. This incredibly challenging time is only further complicated when a family must scramble to come up with money they flat out don’t have. Additionally, funerals are extremely expensive, the overwhelming majority of people simply don’t have $10,000-$15,000 just laying around.

No family wants to see their loved one sit in a morgue or go without a proper service to commemorate their departed. As a result, families will often take on debt or employ other creative means to gather the necessary funds to pay for the funeral.

This situation has created high levels of demand for what are called burial insurance policies. Interestingly, burial insurance is not an official type of life insurance. It’s more of a marketing term. In fact, you will often hear burial insurance be frequently referred to as “funeral insurance” and “final expense insurance”. At the end of the day, they are simplified issue whole life insurance policies. They won’t ever expire, the price per month never increases, and the benefits never decease.

These burial insurance plans offer instant peace of mind to those who are eager to ensure they don’t leave their family with the burden of their unpaid funeral costs. If you are approved for immediate protection (most are), your policy will fully pay out even if you have only had it for one day.

If you are one such person who is searching for peace of mind, burial insurance is the product for you. With that, the question you must be asking yourself now is: How do I find the best burial insurance policy for me? Well, this article will show you just how to do that.

The Impact of an Independent Final Expense Agency

You might think this task will require dozens of phone calls, and endless amounts of research. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, you alone are not able to find all the various burial insurance companies that offer these plans, and consequently diagnose which one is best for you.

Here’s the bottom line.

You need to lean on an expert that will find you the best policy possible. With that, the only “work” you need to do is whatever it takes to find the expert needed to complete the task. Think of going to the dentist. You rely on their expertise to fix your teeth because they are experts at it. Not to mention, working on your own teeth sounds like a very bad idea that likely won’t end well. In short, here is what you need to look for:

Above all else, finding a properly equipped and highly experienced independent burial insurance agency is the single greatest action you can take to ensure you secure the best burial insurance plan.

You might be wondering, what do you mean by “properly equipped”?

That simply means the agency must have access to multiple insurance companies. Only independent life insurance agencies can freely represent lots of different insurance companies. The whole idea behind an independent broker is their ability to impartially shop and compare rates from all the various companies they represent. Every smart consumer today realizes the need to shop around to get the best deal. Well, in essence, working with an independent broker is shopping around (only they do it for you).

It gets even better.

Working with an agency like this won’t cost you any money, and the insurance will cost the same as if you went directly to the insurer. Talk about value. When it’s all said and done, it’s just like having a personal burial insurance shopper on your side. They do all the work, but you are the one who walks away with a burial insurance plan at the lowest cost possible.

Experience is Critical

At first, you may think it’s obvious to select a broker that is experienced. While experience is usually a very good thing in business, it’s especially true when it comes to burial insurance. The thing is; all these insurance companies have vastly different underwriting. They all accept and reject different health conditions. At the end of the day, which funeral insurance company looks at your particular health profile most favorably will likely be the company that will offer you the best plan on the market.

Now,

This is where the experience becomes so paramount. Only after years of helping people acquire final expense insurance, can an agency finally become fully aware of how each insurer responds to health issues. That knowledge is key. It’s what allows the agency to recommend the proper burial insurance company after learning about your health issues, if any. Without a thorough understanding of underwriting for each carrier, it would be a guessing game. That  wouldn’t end well for you.

It’s no secret that when companies compete for your business, you, the consumer, win. This is why working with an independent agency is so effective. The put the free market to work for you. We highly recommend Choice Mutual as a great burial insurance agency to work with. They are a very well respected nationwide agency that can surely help you if you need a plan. However, as long as you find an agency with attributes like we suggest, you will be in good hands.

How Much Money Do You Need For Your Funeral?

You must figure out what kind of a funeral service you would like, so you can determine how much coverage you need. Decide whether or not you want to be cremated or buried. Decide what kind of a service you want. Figuring out these things will help you determine how much burial insurance coverage is required, so you’ll know you have enough coverage to pay for everything. Remember, the goal is to ensure your loved ones don’t have to come out of their own pockets for your final expenses.

  • A traditional burial funeral today can cost anywhere from $7,000-$15,000.
  • A cremation funeral today can cost anywhere from $1,000-$8,000.

In addition to these numbers, you should also factor in inflation. Presently, the funeral industry experiences a rate of inflation of about 5%. Basically, this will mean that funeral costs will double 20 years from now. An experienced final expense agency should be able to help you factor in inflation.

In the end, you basically choose between buying enough coverage for today’s costs or buying enough for the future cost. If you can’t afford to buy enough protection that factors in inflation, just buy what you can today. You can always add more coverage in the future.

Mind Your Budget

Burial insurance is no different than any other kind of funeral insurance in that you are only protected as long as you make your premium payments. The moment you stop paying your car insurance, home insurance, or health insurance,  your protection ends. The same is true for final expense life insurance.

Before you sign up for your policy, you must ask yourself the following question:

“Can I afford this payment every single month for all 12 months of the year regardless of what happens in my life?”

If you can’t say yes to the question, you should not be enrolling in the plan you are considering. It’s critically important you choose a benefit amount that has a monthly payment that is ultra comfortable in your monthly budget.

If you your budget is such that you can’t afford as much coverage as you would like, do not let it throw you off. Don’t get caught up in the fact that you simply can’t afford the coverage you want. Many American’s would love to drive a Lamborghini. The problem is affording a Lamborghini is not realistic. As a result, most people drive Fords, Chevy’s and Honda’s because that’s what they can afford. They definitely don’t choose to go without a car simply because they can’t afford the care they really want.

Buy what you can afford because your family will greatly appreciate what contribution you have made. Not to mention, you can always add more coverage in the future too if you budget changes.

Final Thoughts

Finding the best burial insurance plan isn’t rocket science. As you can see, it’s actually quite simple. If you follow this advice, you put yourself in position to get a really good policy that has a very competitive price. In addition, you will very likely receive an immediate benefit.

There are many providers of final expense out there, but they are not all created equal. Make sure you qualify the agency up front before you decide to do business with them. You can check the BBB, or your state department of insurance to verify they are licensed and appointed with multiple carriers. Once you have found a qualified agency, put your plan in place as soon as possible, and make sure it’s completely comfortable with your budget.

Your family will one day appreciate what you are doing right now. When they receive that check which will pay for the funeral, a massive weight will be lifted off their shoulders. They will be able to peacefully mourn your parting without any added stress.

By |October 7th, 2016|Categories: Blog, burial insurance, Burial Insurance Policy, funeral insurance|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on How To Find The Best Burial Insurance Policy

How to Create and Deliver a Eulogy

How to Create and Deliver a Great Eulogy

The purpose of a eulogy is to honor and pay tribute to a person who has passed away. Taking on the task of giving the eulogy for your loved one can seem a bit difficult or daunting at first, but it’s sure to be quite a moving and emotional experience that you certainly will not regret. You don’t have to be an excellent writer to give a great eulogy, as the best eulogies are simply very thoughtful, have a little touch of humor, and come straight from the heart.

1. Gather Memories

The majority of your speech will be based on memories of your loved one. Write down all your favorite memories of them, and ask their friends, family members and co-workers if they have stories and favorite memories they can share with you. It also helps to pull out pictures to reminisce and find inspiration in things that rekindle old memories and feelings about your loved one.  One of the most helpful tools to help coordinate and assist with this process is to also create a video tribute.

2. Set the Tone

Decide what the tone of your funeral eulogy will be before you write it. Will it be a little lighthearted and humorous, sad and serious, or a bit of both? A combination of both seriousness and humor is generally the most popular to celebrate the deceased’s life.

3. Create an Outline

Write a brief outline of several key events that occurred in the person’s life that you would like to share, such as when they were married, had children, got a new job or reached a milestone. Be sure to also write out the things that were important to the deceased, what their favorite hobbies were, and any basic facts about their everyday life. Jot down anything and everything you can think of that will tell a story about their life, the person they were and fond memories you may have had together. Every little piece will help in putting your eulogy together. An outline will also help you stay organized and make writing your speech much easier.

4. Stay Organized When Writing

The best way to stay organized when writing your eulogy is to summarize it in three main points by giving it a beginning, middle and end. Start by writing a brief introduction about who you so the audience will have an understanding of your relationship to the deceased. Then go back to your outline and expand on important details you have already written down, such as the basic info about their life and significant moments that occurred, and of course, share some of your own personal stories and memories too.

5. Practice

Practicing your speech out loud several times will give you a good idea of how it will sound when you are delivering it to an actual audience at the memorial service. Ask several people to listen to you give the eulogy so they can provide feedback, and make adjustments as needed to what you’ve written. Plus, the more you practice, the higher your confidence level will be when speaking to a crowd and the more likely you’ll be to memorize your speech—or at least most of it.

6. Delivering the Eulogy

When it’s time to deliver the eulogy you may feel nervous and emotional, but there’s no need to be afraid—you have the support of everyone in attendance and no one will be judging you or critiquing your speaking skills. Bring a copy of your speech with you if you’re unable to recite it from memory, and go over it a few times before you deliver the eulogy—this will help your speech stay fresh in your mind. Just remember, it’s truly an honor to be assigned the task of giving the eulogy for someone who was important to you, and it’s sure to be a sincere and heartfelt moment that you’ll never forget.

If you or someone you know has recently lost a loved one and is need of assistance with memorial and funeral expenses, you can create a free fundraiser in minutes and start raising money today.

Courtesy of YouCaring.com

How to Write an Obituary

How to Write a Compelling Obituary

The purpose of an obituary is to announce a person’s death with a brief summary of their life and to inform people about any planned funeral services. In a local newspaper, both in print and online, obituaries can be published for any local resident upon their death. Rather than just being a sad announcement, obituaries are now being used as a way to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away with a short story to help keep their memory alive.

1. Check Local Newspaper in Print and Online

Before you start writing your obituary, check out the requirements for having it published in your local paper. Many news publications have specific guidelines on the style and length of the obituary, and it’s possible that they may only accept an obituary if it’s written by one of their editorial staff or submitted directly from a funeral home. Most funeral homes can provide obituary templates that you can use as a guideline, and they may even cover the cost of publishing the obituary, online obituary, and obituary search as part of the funeral services.

2. Announcement of Death/Biographical Information

Announcing the death of your loved one is the very first step in writing the obituary. Include their name, age, the city where they resided and the day and date of their death. You may also want to include the cause of death at the end of the announcement. Providing biographical information is an important part of the obituary and a great way to make it a compelling tribute to their life. Try to be as interesting and colorful as possible when crafting your story about your loved one, and be sure to incorporate some personality into your writing. Cover details such as their place of birth, marital life (if applicable), education and employment background, as well as their passions, hobbies and lifetime achievements.

3. Mention Surviving Family Members

It’s important to mention the deceased’s surviving family members along with any close family members who have preceded them in death. List the names and residences of their children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and any other important family members that should be included, and be sure to list the name of their spouse if they had one. Many people are extremely attached to their pets, so you may consider adding their names to the list of surviving family members.

4. Memorial Services

If there are memorial services planned, be sure to include this information in the last part of the obituary. Provide the date, time and location where the services will be held, and be sure to indicate if the services happen to be private. If you would like memorial contributions to be made toward your family or to a specific charity that the deceased supported, rather than sending flowers, be sure to include these necessary details as well.

5. Proofread and Submit

Once you have finished writing your obituary, read it over a few times to make sure you like the tone and writing style, and check for any grammatical errors. It would also help to have another set of eyes proofread it as well for additional feedback or suggestions. Once you are satisfied with your obituary, the last step is to submit it to the funeral home or directly to the news publication.

Courtesy of YouCaring.com

10 Advantages to Burial Insurance and End of Life Planning

Burial Insurance

10 Key Things to Know About

Burial Insurance

 

The Average Cost of a Funeral: $7,000-$10,000
The Average Cost of a Burial:  $5,000-$7,000
TOTAL Funeral and Burial Costs:  $12,000-$17,000

 

According to AARP (www.AARP.org), the average cost of a funeral for most families is approximately $10,000.  Depending on a wide variety of individual factors and circumstances, this average cost could arguable by much lower…or much higher.  However, when you consider the fact that your family and loved ones could be forced to deal with a large number of financial choices and decisions that add up to such significant funeral costs, creating an end of life plan and looking into burial insurance is something that nobody should overlook or ignore.

Top 10 Advantages of Burial Insurance:

 

1.) NO medical exam required

2.) Premiums NEVER increase

3.) Accumulates CASH value

4.) Insurance NEVER decreases

5.) EASY to obtain up to age 85

6.) Protection is GUARANTEED

7.) Prepays ALL funeral costs

8.) Prepay OTHER outstanding debts or expenses

9.) Your beneficiary can ALWAYS be changed

10.) QUICK and EASY protection from $2,500 to $50,000

Click Here for a FREE Burial and Funeral Insurance Quote

 

 

By |November 20th, 2013|Categories: average funeral costs, Blog, burial, burial insurance, end of life, Funeral Costs, Funeral Insurance|Tags: , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on 10 Advantages to Burial Insurance and End of Life Planning

What to Do When a Distant Family Member Dies

Death of a Distant Relative

What to Do When a Distant Family Member Dies

It’s never easy to know what to do when tragedy strikes. But, when you first learn of the death of a non-immediate family member, take action right away— or at least as quickly as you are able.

Express Your Condolences

Nothing expresses your concern and solidarity better than showing up in person. If the deceased’s immediate family members live nearby, make it a point to stop in. Sometimes people avoid this step because they don’t know whether it’s the right thing to do, but according to The American Cancer Society, letting someone know you’re there and you care when a loved one dies is more than appropriate— it’s vital. You don’t have to stay long. You don’t even have to cross the threshold of the doorway if you feel like you’ve arrived at the wrong time, but you need to show up long enough to say, “I heard your family member died, I’m so sorry. What can I do to help?”

Grief Counseling

Honor The Lost Loved One

It’s tradition to send funeral flowers and funeral gifts when a family member dies. Very few families are ever offended by a beautiful floral tribute or an enduring green arrangement to honor a lost life. If you’re purchasing flowers for the service that will eventually be placed by the grave, you’ll want to have them delivered to the funeral home. Another option is to send an indoor living arrangement in a planter directly to the home of those who survive to act as a lasting tribute to the person who passed away.

Offer Your Support

All areas of the country have different traditions. In some areas, it’s often appropriate to take a casserole to the grieving family so they can mark dinner off their list of things that need to be done. If this isn’t a tradition in your family, there are other ways you can help.

  • Volunteer to Make Notification Phone Calls
  • Go Along to Help Pick Out the Casket
  • Take the Children Out Somewhere
  • Send a Supply of Groceries for the Grieving Family

 

Be Tactful

Be there to listen and to validate the feelings of a person suffering from grief and loss by avoiding certain phrases. Never start a conversation by telling the grieving person you know how they feel, that their loved one is in a better place now or that what happened was God’s will. Aside from sounding pompous, statements like this only serve to make the person who’s suffering feel guilty for what they’re going through. Only God knows what His will is. Even if the person’s death ended an agonizing struggle, now isn’t the time to point it out. Allow them to feel how they feel and remember that your main purpose isn’t to argue them back into a healthy outlook, it’s to listen, offer support and find out what you can do to make things easier.

Don’t Forget About the Kids

Remember to consider the feelings and questions of the kids— your kids, that is. Explain what happened in a way that isn’t scarring or terrifying. If you’re not sure what to say, some valuable options are speaking with a school counselor or local organizations such as Hope Hospice that employ professionals who deal in loss and grief every day.

 

What is a Funeral Consultant? Why Hire One?

Funeral Consultant

What is a Funeral Consultant?

Perhaps you have never heard of a Funeral Consultant?  Well even if you have not, you probably agree that when it comes to life’s most important and challenging decisions, seeking professional guidance and support is a good idea.  You probably also agree that professional planners, such as wedding planners, can be sanity savers.  Let’s take a wedding for example.  Many people prefer to hire a wedding planner.  Why?  Mainly because they want a professional consultant to assist them along the way with the large number of emotional and financial decisions in planning this important once-in-a-lifetime event.

Why Hire a Funeral Consultant?

Most weddings are usually planned within a 6-12 month time frame.  However, planning a funeral is usually done within a 24 to 48-hour time frame, and involves making over 150 important decisions.  Studies prove that when most families are faced with the task of planning a funeral say they are largely unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unprepared.

So similar to a wedding planner, a Funeral Consultant’s job is to help families make an important and difficult situation easier.  Funeral Consultants are professionally engaged, but have the unique advantage of being experienced while not emotionally attached to the event.  Funeral Consultants are trained and educated professionals whose job is solely to educate and guide you through one of life’s most challenging experiences.

Funeral Consultants are responsible for exactly what most families are searching for, which is being educated on a large number of funeral and/or cemetery options, helping you make decisions when you get stuck, keeping you within your budget, and making sure you know what you are doing – and that you don’t forget anything.

4 Ways Family Funeral Consultants Help Families

1.  When a death occurs
2.  If a death is expected
3.  Planning in advance
4.  Grief counseling and coaching

One Example of How Funeral Consultants Can Help You Save Money

In a recent survey of just one small community’s funeral homes and cemeteries, a basic cremation started at $710 at one establishment, but cost as much as $3,820 at another.  Likewise, direct burial costs ranged from $1,695 to $4,455. The same casket cost was $996 at one place, but $4,200 at another. Cemetery opening and closing fees can vary by more than $2,000, depending on the cemetery and day of the week you choose.  In just this particularly local community survey, there were 15 funeral homes and 13 major cemeteries.  So how would a family know how to choose from among them?  The answer is simple.  Consider hiring a Funeral Consultant.

Funeral Consultants research and negotiate the prices for funeral home and cemetery services in a given area.  Serving as part family advocates and part event planners, a Funeral Consultant can show you side-by-side comparisons of all of the cemetery or funeral home services, your options, and your costs in your local area.  They can also help connect you to other funeral planning resources, including financial aid and support.

According to AARP, the average cost of a funeral today is approximately $10,000. (Note:  This does not include the cost of the cemetery plot and associated fees for the monument, and much more.)  The average funeral insurance policy that most people buy to pre-pay their funeral costs in advance is approximately $5,000. Getting help from someone who knows how this entire process works, and also knows your local options, just makes sense.

It’s Not Always Just About the Money

Rather than dress up and rush into a funeral home being unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unprepared, most people prefer discussing their all-important funeral or cemetery arrangements in the comfort of their own home, among their family, friends, and loved ones.  Rather than listen to strange terminology and make expensive decisions on the fly, most people prefer a third-party and independent professional to help guide and support them through this difficult and time-sensitive process.  Rather than being uncomfortable or afraid to ask certain questions, most people prefer having the option and flexibility to say or ask things like: “That seems too expensive” or “We cannot afford that” or “What other options do we have?” or “What do other funeral homes or cemeteries charge in my local area?”  

In addition, many families want their Funeral Consultant to join them at the funeral home or cemetery arrangement conference, which can be an option.  Funeral Consultants can also be an excellent resource when it comes to matters related to aftercare planning, such as stopping bills and utilities, work with outstanding debts, working with insurance carriers, estate and tax planning, and more.

How Much Does a Funeral Consultant Cost?

For a set fee, Funeral Consultants will take care of all the tasks, price negotiations, and coordination details, freeing family members from this obligation and helping them arrange the funeral they want within their budget.  With the average Funeral Consultant fee being $500, and the average family savings over $3,500, hiring a Funeral Consultant is a good investment.  But keep in mind that by minimizing or eliminating a lot of the financial and emotional stress associated with families and funeral planning, most families will tell you that value-added services of a Funeral Consultant can be priceless.

For more information, or to find a local Funeral Consultant, click here.

 

 

What to Wear To a Funeral

Funeral Etiquette

What to Wear To a Funeral

At some point in life, everyone will have to pick out an outfit to wear to a funeral. Every small detail counts. How a person dresses reflects their respect for the deceased. Although your presence is more important than what you look like in this situation, women should dress conservatively. Keep in mind that outfits should not be casual. Here are some tips on what to wear:

Consider the Type of Funeral

Modernmom.com says that appropriate attire varies depending on the type of funeral you attend.

  • A close family member: The blog notes that although you will more than likely be distraught, all eyes will be on the close family members. This is why it’s important to dress respectfully and tastefully. Wear a classic black dress with a cardigan or blazer or a pencil skirt matched with a blouse. Choose shoes that will compliment a graveside service.
  • Friends and extended family: Complete black isn’t necessary for this type of funeral. Wear dark colors like navy blue, violet and gray. Keep accessories and prints small.
  • Acquaintance funeral: Wear something practical but polished. Choose an outfit you already own that you would wear to a work function. Although the rules are looser for an acquaintance it’s still important to avoid bright and light colors. Avoid low neck and hemlines.

To Reiterate on the Color Dilemma

Note that colors express different emotions. Although you can’t go wrong with black, gray or navy blue, dark brown and violet can portray somber emotions of sadness too. It is never appropriate to wear perky flowery designs and bright, bold colors. Wrinkled, dirty or transparent clothes can come across as disrespectful.

Choose a Simple, Classic Style

You can’t go wrong with a black dress or a black skirt paired with a dark top. Regardless of how close you were to the deceased, these outfits are acceptable at any location. Many cocktail dress brands offer conservative options. Alternatively, it’s acceptable for women to wear slacks or pant suits.

Shoes for Comfort

Pick tasteful shoes that are comfortable to wear. Classic leather styles are best; steer clear of suede, sequins, embellishments or glitter. Simple black flats are probably the safest choice. Do not wear flip-flops or peep-toe shoes. A low heel is acceptable but tall heels are inappropriate. In the winter a pair of low or no-heel boots are fashionable and keep your feet warm.

All About Accessories

Someone once said that accessories are the last thing a person puts on, but the first thing other people notice. An outfit for a funeral is not worn to get attention and should be relatively subtle. Likewise, accessories should compliment a look but should be small. Wear simple, traditional jewelry like a pearl necklace, diamond-stud earrings or a tennis bracelet. Choose a relatively small clutch or handbag free of flashy decorations.

Click here learn more about:  Funeral Etiquette

 

Talking About Death and Funeral Planning

Death and Funeral Planning

Why are Funeral Planning and Death

Considered Taboo Conversations?

There are few things in life that are certain, but one thing that can be relied upon is that we will all die. Although death is an absolute certainty for every single one of us, society at large still seems to find it difficult to discuss funeral planning, death and dying. Death has always been something of a taboo subject, but even in these relatively enlightened times it is still a topic that causes some to react with disgust, fear or denial.

As a result, to plan a funeral for yourself or a loved one can be tricky at best. It is important that everyone gets the kind of funeral plan that respects their beliefs and wishes.  However, if these are not discussed in advance, it is difficult for those left behind to know how the best ways to handle these difficult decisions after a person has died.

Fear of Death and Dying

It’s understandable that, as a species intent on survival, we are reticent about discussing our inevitable demise. Fear of death can encompass a number of things including concerns about grief and loss, worry about pain or suffering, fear of the unknown, and bereavement.  There is also the sense that in death, things that an individual values such as family, friends and loved ones will be lost.

Many people have superstitious beliefs concerning death and dying that can hinder their willingness to talk about their end of life plans and preferences – and what should happen after they’re gone. The belief that talking about death is somehow “tempting fate” or will hasten death is common and will cause problems with making clear plans for what should happen after death.

Some deaths are more predictable than others, and those people who are diagnosed with a medical condition with a prognosis of shortened life may be in a better position for terminally ill planning since they have “some” idea of how much life they have left. Still, even those people for whom death is imminent may not wish to talk about it.

Death and Money – The Perfect Storm of Taboos

If there is one topic that draws an equal amount of discomfort for open discussion, it is an individual’s personal financial affairs. In working through a funeral planning checklist, the subjects of money and death are brought together in a clash of two of the strongest taboo subjects for discussion in polite conversation.

According to AARP, today’s average funeral costs can run upwards of $10,000.  Clearly this is no small consideration when facing things like funeral estate planning and finding the money to pay for the essentials after a death. In addition to adding the stress of finding this money to the worry about doing the right thing, you also have the drawbacks of not discussing how to plan your funeral with loved ones when the opportunity has always been available.  So these drawbacks significantly outweigh the discomfort of talking about things that are often left unsaid.

An Open Conversation About Death

Although it is hard for some people to talk about dying, it is an extremely important conversation to have. Without an understanding of what a person’s wishes are for their end of life funeral arrangements, families can be left in a difficult position of trying to second guess what their loved one would have wanted after their death. Don’t leave it too late to have the conversation.

If you preplan a funeral, it gives you the opportunity to talk about preferences, funeral costs, and the way in which you want to be remembered.  This includes even the little details such what you want to say in your obituary, what kind of memorial service you would like, what to put on your monuments or head stone, or even new memorial technology for gravestones.

Getting your funeral plan, preferences, and finances in place early means that both the dying person and the family left behind have the peace of mind to knowing that the right thing was done, and the funeral plan and money are available to ensure the deceased’s wishes are fulfilled.

Conclusion

Death and dying is one of the final taboos for discussion in our society. However, making sure that everyone is clear about what they want in death and their wishes for their funeral can bring peace of mind to all concerned.

Article contributed by Memorials of Distinction

Funeral Insurance

End of Life and Funeral Insurance

Everything You Need to Know About
Funeral Insurance

The Average Cost of a Funeral is $10,000 (AARP.org)

 

10 Important Things to Know About
Funeral or Burial Insurance:

 

1.) NO medical exam required
2.) Premiums NEVER increase
3.) Accumulates CASH value
4.) Insurance NEVER decreases
5.) EASY to obtain up to age 80
6.) Protection is GUARANTEED
7.) Prepays ALL funeral costs
8.) Prepay any expenses or debts
9.) Your beneficiary can ALWAYS be changed
10.) QUICK coverage ranges from $2,500 to $50,000

Additional Helpful Resources:

3 Most Common Ways to Plan a Funeral

How to Prepay Funeral Expenses

Key Burial Insurance Details

Top 10 End of Life Plan Benefits

 

Preplan Funeral Expenses

Pre Need

Preplanning for Funeral Costs and Expenses

The final expense cost of regular adult funeral including basic items, can be significant. To give you a quick overview of the funeral costs, we’ve developed a quick chart.  Keep in mind, these basic items do not include cemetery costs, cemetery monuments, or grave marker costs – nor any other miscellaneous charges such as for funeral flowers or obituaries.

$1,595             Non-declinable basic services fee

$  233              Removal/transfer of remains to funeral home

$  550              Embalming

$  203              Other preparation of the body

$  406              Use of facilities/staff for viewing

$  463              Use of facilities/staff for funeral ceremony

$  251              Use of a hearse

$  120              Use of a service car/van

$  119              Basic memorial printed package

$2,255             Metal Casket

$1,128             Vault

Total Cost  $7,323

For  more information about specific Final Expense Costs or strategies to Prepay Funeral Expenses and End of Life Planning, you’ll find a wealth of information throughout our website, FuneralResources.com.

 

Facts About Green Burials Versus Traditional Funeral Burials

 Green Funeral

The Key Differences Between

Traditional and Green Burials

Commonly known as green burials, eco-friendly burials, natural burials, or woodland burials, there are distinct differences between a traditional burial and a green burial.

The first major difference is that most traditional funeral costs average approximately $10,000, while green burials are approximately $2500.

Green burials do not employ the use of embalming fluids, pesticides, herbicides, or irrigation.

Bamboo, wicker, cardboard or wooden caskets are used instead of metal caskets.

Concrete burial vaults are not used for a green burial.

The graves are usually hand-dug and are shallower than with those used in traditional burials.

Graves are marked with more natural landmarks that blend in with the area such as plants, rocks, trees or flowers.  Elaborate and prominent headstones or grave markers are not used in a green burial.

Click to Learn More About a Green Funeral

 

By |June 22nd, 2010|Categories: Blog, burial, burial vaults, caskets, Death, Funeral, Funeral Costs, Green Burial, green burials, green cemeteries, Green Funeral, green funerals|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on Facts About Green Burials Versus Traditional Funeral Burials

Green Burial Markers

 Green Burial and Funeral

Choose Green with a

Green Burial Marker

Consider a greener burial marker for your green funeral.  Instead of large, elaborate grave markers, green burials feature unobtrusive, natural markers. These often involve trees, funeral flowers, and rocks found on or around the gravesite. While some families opt for a small flat stone identifying the burial location, more common in a green cemetery are the use of GPS coordinates.  Though this modern global positioning method, the family of the deceased can find the exact burial plot for their loved one by mapping out the individual global position given to them by the cemetery manager.

Learn More About a Green Funeral
Learn More About Green Burials
Learn More About New Gravestone Technology

 

Green Funeral and Green Burial Options

Green Funeral

A Green Funeral Can Help Save the Environment

Opponents to the traditional funeral homes view them as being more wasteful than green funeral providers citing the use of toxic chemicals such as formaldehyde in embalming fluid as unnecessary and damaging to the environment. To plan a funeral traditionally, this consumes enormous amounts of materials such as steel, concrete, copper, and bronze.  The figures are in the tens of thousands of tons annually.  During a burial, these elements remain in the ground indefinitely, polluting the earth.

Each year, cemeteries across the US bury approximately:

– 30 million board feet (70,000 m³) of hardwoods (caskets)

– 90,272 tons of steel (caskets)

– 14,000 tons of steel (vaults)

– 2,700 tons of copper and bronze (caskets)

– 1,636,000 tons of reinforced concrete (vaults)

– 827,060 US gallons (3,130 m³) of embalming fluid

*(Compiled from statistics by Casket and Funeral Association of America, Cremation Association of North America, Doric Inc., The Rainforest Action Network, and Mary Woodsen, Pre-Posthumous Society)

Learn More About Green Burials
Learn More About a Green Funeral

 

New Funeral and Memorial Technology for Fathers

Grief and Loss

New Memorial Tributes and Funeral Technology Options for Fathers

For those special Dad’s and Grandfathers who have passed and are dearly missed, creating a personalized and specialized memorial can provide an excellent opportunity to heal and remember.

Below is a list of some of the most popular memorial options that many families are choosing for a personalized and special memorial, tribute, keepsake, or family heirloom:

About New Funeral and Memorial Technology:

Technology is changing the face of the funeral industry and baby boomers, those ages 43 to 62 are at the root of it“, says John Reed, president of the National Funeral Directors Association based in Brookfield, Wis.

Today many new and innovative technologies are widely recognized in the funeral industry as common services that help make a difficult situation a little easier.  Boomers are memorializing their parents and loved ones in nontraditional ways and using new funeral technology to do it.

Technology is opening the doors to unique memorial ideas and expanding funeral planning and memorial service options.  With these tech-savvy Baby Boomers wanting to take the negativity out of funerals and find ways to celebrate a person’s life, using new funeral technology such as some of these listed below are among the most popular, common, and rapidly growing.

Top 5 New Memorials Options for Fathers:

1.   Video Tribute

2.  Gravestone Technology

3.  Memorial Website

4.  Memorial Diamonds

5.  Memorial Reefs

New Funeral Technology Offers Many Benefits:

Keep in mind that these gifts can serve as an excellent family tribute, keepsake, or family heirloom.  The main benefit from these gifts is that, although in different way, each of them offers a wonderful opportunity to honor and celebrate your Dad, as well as share many of the great stories and  memories you shared together.

Christopher P. Hill
FuneralResources.com

Funeral and Memorial Technology News

 Funeral and Memorial Technology

A Few Words Before I Go

The original Rosetta Stone helped translate the pictorial language of the ancient Egyptians, providing definitions of the imagery and bringing to life a long-gone culture. Now one company is offering personal versions of the stones to tell stories about an individual long after we’re gone.

Objecs LLC’s RosettaStone is an oblong — think full-sized iPod – piece of granite or travertine stone inscribed with pictorial images that stand for different aspects of an individual’s life. Seemlessly incorporated into tombstones and monuments, the stones invite cemetery visitors to plug into a website – or in some cases simply wave your phone in front of the stone – and see the meaning of each symbol.

Walk around a cemetery today and gravestones doesn’t tell you anything. Date of birth. Date of death. They’re cold and impersonal,” said Chris Hill, a financial advisor in northern Virginia and also Founder of FuneralResources.com, who personally owns two RosettaStones. “This will tell my story for thousands of years.”

Purchasers can choose up to six tablet symbols, reminiscent of hieroglyphics, from more than 300 options, including a striped pole for a barber, a caliper for an engineer, and a man behind bars for ne’er-do-wells who want to be remembered as such.

When selecting the symbols for his stone, Hill thought of his wife and two children, his passions for music and writing, his belief that life doesn’t end with death.

For his six symbols, he chose an “I” for general information, a U.S. map, stick figures representing a family, a music note, a hand holding a pen, and a telescope looking into space.

It’s just as important to document your life as it is to remember it”, Hill said.

John Bottorff, founder of Objecs LLC, said the tablet symbols spur interest and conversation.

When I see someone using a symbol I can relate to, I can’t help but be curious as to their life experience around it. We are seeing mini-meaning of life stuff here from common people, not a Dalai Lama,” Bottorff said. “I will never look at a barber pole symbol the same – I’m still awestruck at how a barber has learned the deepest values of life from his profession.  Not all of the messages are positive, but I think they are all gifts to future generations from today’s cooks, barbers, lawyers, fishermen and all kinds of people and professions.”

But it’s the memorial technology element that makes the RosettaStone special, Bottorff said. If the cell phone is NFC-enabled — something still rare in North America but common overseas – simply touching the phone to the tablet allows direct access to the story behind each symbol. The internal microchip uses the phone’s own magnetic field to work and transfer the data, then returns to a dormant state.

For a regular cell phone with Internet access, users can type in the web information on the tablet and have the same information appear. Each symbol can be accompanied by about 200 words of text.

So how is this better than including a memorial website’s address on a tombstone? The answer is permanence, Bottorff said.

Compare us to them and we look a bit primitive, he said. “The traditional memorial website is a much richer multimedia experience, but  not necessarily pursuing the long-term data survival  model we are. If you’re interested in a long genealogical surviving record, ours is a pretty good approach.”

RosettaStone boasts that the tablets’ information will remain accessible for the next 3,000 years. Even if the company folds, the tablets’ associated information will remain. In part, that’s because information is both hard-coded to the stones’ internal microchip and archived externally on the web. (Of course, without a time machine, it’s impossible to verify the 3,000-year claim, but the concept seems to sell nonetheless.)

Introduced a little over a month ago, Objecs has sold fewer than 100 of the products, which cost about $200. Among the buyers, Bottorff said, are a well-known American musician and a BBC Television personality.

Although Objecs initially offer for the product was a way to honor the dead, the living have quickly wanted it for themselves too. (In fact, the living are the product’s primarily buyers thus far.) On its website, Objecs notes that RosettaStones are also intended for “mature adults who have reached a stage in life with identifiable milestones and associations. Such milestones may include a profession, discipline, paternal capacity, love of music or skill….”

When people started buying it for themselves, it was an awakening that it was something people wanted to hold onto as a family heirloom, so we adjusted our message,” Bottorff said.

Hill has been updating and frequently rewriting the text he wants to accompany his RosettaStone entries frequently.

“If a truck hits me tomorrow, I’ve got some words that will last forever and that’s real,” he said. “It’s hard to write at first. You’re thinking, ‘Wow. These are my last words.’”

 

Remembering Fathers

Grief and Loss

For Those Who Have Lost Their Father

Finding ways to remember the happy times and keeping a father’s memory alive, even long after he has passed, can be challenging but rewarding.  This is especially true for younger generations. Telling funny stories or sharing memories about Grandpa or Great Granddad will help future generations to feel connected to their roots and get a true sense of the importance of family.

Given the advent of the Internet and new technology, we strongly suggest you learn more about today’s new memorial technology tools to help remember a loved one.  These new tools can also assist with the grief and loss process.

On special days such as birthdays and Father’s Day, we hope those who have lost their father may find comfort in this beautiful poem from our Preferred Provider, Grief Haven.

 

Coping with Fathers Death

Coping with Loss

How to Cope with the Loss of a Father

My three boys, who are four, six and ten, lost their father last year.  Since he has passed away, we have been working our way through the holidays.  How do I help them cope with Fathers Day?

A child can celebrate Father’s Day even though they have lost their father. When a person dies it does not mean all the love they have given to people just disappears. A father leaves a lasting imprint on the children he leaves behind. Helping the children remember this love will be important to them as they grow older. One of the most common things people in western society tend to do is act like a person never lived once they have died. Remembering Father’s Day will help keep a fathers memory stay alive.

Here are some things to help kids who are coping with grief and loss to celebrate Father’s Day, even after he has passed away:

Share a Memory: Since the age of the boys are spread out from four years old to 10 years old the way they communicate will differ. However they all can share their story of their father. The other boy can write down a memory from his father that made him feel loved. The six and four year can drawn a picture of a time they shared with their father that made them feel happy and loved. These pictures can be shared with their father and family on Father’s Day.

Make a Card: The boys can all make a card for their father. The card can be filled with how they are feeling with the loss of their mom. Once the cards are completed they can be put out at her graveside or sent up in a balloon if he was cremated.

Plant a Flower: Planting funeral flowers in memory can help the boys watch their love grow. Help them pick out a flower that means something to them and plant it in a cup. When the weather warms up they can plant their flowers outside and talk about the memories of their father. In the fall they can dry the flower(s) and hang them up in their room as a lasting memory through the winter.

Create a Memory Book: Adults in the boys’ life can help them start a memory book. The book would last until they are adults. Every year on Father’s Day the boys can add something to their book about their previous year. These events they would add would be the ones they felt they would want to share with their dad if he were here. For example a good report card, awards from sports, and other achievements that they were proud about.

The important thing to remember is to keep talking to the children about their father. Tell them stories about her that you remember. Ask other adults to share their stories as well. Maybe have the adults write the stories down and add it to the memory book if one is created. Then when the boys are older or they are missing their dad they can always go read the book.

Are you looking for others with whom you can relate? Visit the Beyond Indigo forums to connect with others who are on their grief journeys.

© 2010 Kelasan, Inc.