A Gift That Lasts a Lifetime!

Sometimes I feel as if I am the only person in America who is speaking about one of the most important topic…and yet one that almost nobody is teaching, practicing, or implementing into family planning:

“End-of-Life Planning Should Be a STANDARD Piece of a Comprehensive Financial Plan!!”

If you really think about it, the last thing any of us want to do is talk about…or think about…is planning a funeral. But the unfortunate truth is, some day every single one of us will be forced to deal with this issue, hopefully later versus sooner.

But here is the real kicker…if we know for a FACT, with absolute certainty, that we are all going to die some day, why is it that most people are NOT talking about this? Why are financial planners NO T learning the best ways to do this? And at the very least, documenting our End-Of-Life plans and preferences for our loved ones?

My LIVE Interview with FOX News last week should explain this better:

Please watch this two-minute video about:

Why Everyone Family Should Create a “Love Drawer“

Financial Planners Should Encourage End-Of-Life Planning!

Just so everyone reading this knows, in addition to being the Founder of our website, I have worked as financial planner for over 23 years and currently own my own Wealth Management practice.

I mention this only because the sad truth about the financial planning industry is that it largely overlooks and/or ignores End-of-Life Planning and Pre Need as an all-important addition to a financial plan. To prove this point, in all my years of studying, training, attending classes, and getting licenses and certifications, I have never once heard some talked about this subject, nor was I ever educate about.

Think about this. Has your financial planner discussed this with you? Does your financial plan include your plans and preferences, and maybe even a plan where you have pre-arranged your funeral expenses? I bet most of you don’t, and the worst possible time to be having this discussion is AFTER THE FACT!

To share a personal experience, one of my toughest days was losing my mother to cancer on Thanksgiving Day of 2008. After going through this entire experience, what I found to be true with each of our family members, including myself, was this… just about the time when it starts to “sink in” that your loved one is really gone, and your emotions really begin to elevate, the next step you are faced with is going to visit a Funeral Home and begin planning a funeral. For most families, this is probably the last thing they want to be doing at that time!

A Small Sample of Some of the Funeral Planning Details and Challenges:

• How do you transport the body, where do you tranport it, and how soon?
• How soon afterwards should the service be?
• How do you determine which Funeral Home, Cemetery, or Funeral Director?
• What if they live out of town?
• Sitting down with a Funeral Director to review all the details and options
• Try to figure out what your loved one “would have wanted”
• Making some incredibly difficult financial decisions
• Trying to figure out what type of memorial service your loved one “would have wanted”
• Did they want to be cremated or buried?
• Choosing among many different types of caskets or urns
• Where did they want their body or ashes to be placed?
• How do you coordinate this with your religion/Church
• Who should be invited, and how do you invite them?
• Arranging travel and accommodation plans for out-of-town guests
• How will this be paid for?
• Who will speak at the memorial services? Which songs and prayers do you use?
• Do you have an gathering afterwards?
• How do you place an obituary? Who does this?
• Do you want flowers or donations?
• Arranging programs, sending “thank you” cards, and much more…

Another HUGE benefit to creating an End-of-Life Plan is the fact that, in addition to saving your family from going through all these emotional challenges and tough decisions, this thoughtful plan could very likely save your family thousands…or even millions…of dollars. The reason why is you have to remember that when someone passed, some of the financial issues that tie directly or indirectly with the funeral planning process are financial matters such as estate taxes, death taxes, capital gains taxes, income taxes, insurance policy proceeds, investments, real estate, bank accounts, and more.

A wise man once said, “The difference between failure and success is largely determined by the amount of time and preparation put into preparing for the future.” When putting together a sound and comprehensive financial plan, nothing could be further from the truth!

Funeral Etiquette for the Family of the Deceased

It’s not always easy to know what to say or do at a time of loss. Just being there for a friend or family member can be a comfort. However, there is funeral etiquette to be followed when someone passes away. Customs for expressing sympathy vary according to religious and ethnic background. The following information is a suggested guideline for what is generally accepted during a funeral. It is best to be aware of expectations to avoid acting in an inappropriate manner.

When to Notify?

The immediate family should receive notification first, preferably in-person or by telephone, followed by the closest relatives and friends.    Be sure to provide the name and address of the funeral home for the delivery of funeral flowers.  The service details can be relayed later when available

Dress Code?

Though it is no longer necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire.  Conservative suits or dress-clothes, in dark, respectful colors are most appropriate.  It is advisable to avoid floral or busy patterns.

What are Typical Visitation Rights?

Upon learning of a death, it is customary for intimate friends of the family to visit the family either at their residence or funeral home.  It would probably be more comfortable for all concerned to meet at the funeral home because they are prepared for visitors. Each family should decide the number of family members needed during calling hours.  It is also not necessary for family members to engage in long conversations; a simple “Thank you, it means so much to have friends like you at this time,” is adequate. If the casket is open during calling hours, some visitors may want to bid farewell to the deceased.  Although sometimes a visitor will request that a family member accompany them to view the body, it is not a requirement.

Funeral Service Duration?

Modern funeral services are usually brief and last approximately 30 minutes.

Cemetery Service Duration?

The graveside service tends to be brief.  Customarily, once the commitment ritual is complete and the casket has been lowered to ground level, the family typically departs.  The casket is then placed in a vault, interred, and funeral flowers placed on the grave.

What Typically Happens Immediately After the Memorial Service ?

Immediately after the funeral service, the family sometimes invites the attendees to join them for food or a reception at their home or designated place.  This gives everyone a chance to talk and provides some time to relax and refresh.  Sometimes friends or church members will take it upon themselves to prepare food ahead of time and relieve the family of this task.

How Should You Respond After the Funeral?

For several days after the service, the family should be permitted to rest and have time to handle the myriad details that accompany such an occasion.  While some families enjoy the diversion of visits and calls from friends and family, others prefer complete privacy.  It is not inconsiderate to cut short calls at this time.

What About Sending Thank You Notes?

Most Funeral Directors can supply you with generalized thank you cards or the family may choose to send a more personal thank you note.  The thank you notes should be a concise, personal, and specific.  Also, yielding to modern tradition, a simple thank you card with a signature is accepted, with or without a personal note

Who Should Get a Thank You Note?

1.   Anyone who sent a gift or card to the family deserves a thank you note.  This would include anyone who sent funeral flowers, brought food, sent a memorial contribution, or in some other substantial way acknowledged the deceased. The notes should be sent within two weeks of the death

2.   A personal note is suggested for thanking the clergy person.  If an offering or donation is sent, send it in a separate envelope.  Never include it in the thank you note

3.  Pallbearers should also be sent a personal message of thanks

4.  For individuals who sent funeral flowers, you may wish to send a personal note or sympathy card.  Including a sympathy poem or sympathy quote that expresses your feelings is always thoughtful.

5.  For groups or organizations that sent flowers, send a note to the head of the group and remember to include all the members of the group in your note.  If individual member names appear on the floral card, a separate note should be sent to each one but a personal message is not necessary.

6.  Friends who have volunteered their time and effort helping in any way deserve a separate written thank you.  If the volunteers are close to the family, you may prefer to thank them in person.

Etiquette for Friends and Distant Relatives

Upon Receiving the News ? When learning that a relative or friend has died, you should express your condolences and offer assistance as soon as possible. Only very close friends of the deceased and the immediate family are expected to visit the family before the funeral. Let the family know if you will be attending the funeral.  It is important to keep the conversation brief taking in account their emotional state and that they will be receiving numerous similar calls.

Funeral Flowers Etiquette?

Unless the family asks that donations should be made in lieu of flowers, you should honor their request.  Many people consider it obligatory to send flowers unless there is a prohibitive note in the newspaper notice.

Thoughtful Memorial Gifts:

1.  Food for the Family? Food is always a welcome gift as there are always visitors around that need to be fed.  Make sure to prepare dishes that require little preparation.

2.  E-mail? E-mail is only appropriate from those who are not intimate with the family such as a business associate.

3.  Phone Calls? All calls should be as brief as possible.

4.  Mass Cards? If the deceased was a Catholic, some people will send a mass card instead of or in addition to flowers.  Catholics and non-Catholics can arrange for a mass to be said for the deceased

5.  Donation to Suggested Charity? Usually the family will designate a specific organization or charity.  Remember to provide the family’s name and address to the charity so they can send proper notification.  Often the funeral home will offer a direct link to the charity requested by the family

Dress Etiquette?

Though it is no longer necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire.  Conservative suits or dress-clothes, in dark, respectful colors are most appropriate.  It is advisable to avoid floral or busy patterns

When Paying Respects ?

It is traditional for friends to visit the funeral home prior to the day of the funeral service.  The obituary in the newspaper will have the details as to the day and time for visitations

Etiquette for Casket Viewing?

Before or after the service, friends will often go up to the casket for a final farewell. It is not obligatory and is totally left to your discretion

Attending the Service ?

It is suggested that one arrive at the funeral home at least ten minutes before the service begins.  Funeral services usually start on time and it is considered rude to be late.  Enter quietly and be seated.  Do not conduct an animated discussion in the chapel; the mood should be somber.  Do not try to talk with bereaved family members if you arrive early.  The first few rows are reserved for family members.  At the conclusion of the service, you will want to leave promptly and wait in your car if you plan to follow the procession to the cemetery.  Remember to turn your headlights on so you can be identified as being a part of the procession.  The headlights are to be turned off once you arrive at the cemetery.  Attending the graveside service is optional and is usually determined by the relationship between the individual and the bereaved family

Funeral Flowers

Sending Funeral Flowers has never been easier now that FuneralResources.com has teamed up with FTD to be their preferred Funeral Flower Provider.

A lot has changed with funeral flower arrangements and there are many tasteful options to extend sympathy to loved ones. FTD has funeral flowers to send to the home, office or funeral service and you may be surprised how lovely and comforting these modern arrangements are.

It’s sometimes hard for people to find words to express their grief and sympathy for the bereaved. Sending sympathy flowers, plants and memorial gifts lets those who are grieving know you are thinking of them in their time of need.

Traditionally, funeral flowers are sent to the funeral service to provide beauty and comfort in a very solemn setting. But, funeral plants sent to the bereaved can provide long lasting comfort to someone in mourning and they are very life affirming. Keep in mind that in many cases families will be inundated with floral arrangements so sending a tasteful plant to the home may be an appreciated sympathy gift.

As mentioned above a lot has changed over the years regarding funeral flower arrangements and gone are the days of completely somber tributes,  so here the meanings of certain types of flowers which can be part of your tribute.

Carnations – a red carnation implies admiration and pink carnations symbolize remembrance.  White carnations have the dual meaning of purity of love and innocence.

Lilies – an extremely common sympathy flower which symbolize the restoration to innocence of the soul of the departed. Any type of white lily will also express purity and majesty.

Gladioli – a very traditional funeral arrangement which stand for strength of character, integrity and sincerity.

Chrysanthemums – or “mums” are sent mainly to the funeral service because a white chrysanthemum symbolizes death in many Eastern and European countries.  Our understanding of “mums” are as a symbol of truth.

Roses – are popular in funeral tributes because a white rose means reverence, humility and innocence while a red rose conveys courage, respect and love. Pink also symbolizes love, grace and gentility.
As one of the most recognizable flowers, roses can be a beautiful part of an arrangement of funeral flowers. A white rose evokes reverence, humility, innocence, and youthfulness. Red roses convey respect, love, and courage. Love, grace, and gentility are the message of a pink rose.

These or any other flower can be arranged in any custom fashion to convey a special message to the bereaved.  There is a lot of guidance with Funeralresources.com special discount Funeral Flower Section.