Funeral Etiquette for the Family of the Deceased

It’s not always easy to know what to say or do at a time of loss. Just being there for a friend or family member can be a comfort. However, there is funeral etiquette to be followed when someone passes away. Customs for expressing sympathy vary according to religious and ethnic background. The following information is a suggested guideline for what is generally accepted during a funeral. It is best to be aware of expectations to avoid acting in an inappropriate manner.

When to Notify?

The immediate family should receive notification first, preferably in-person or by telephone, followed by the closest relatives and friends.    Be sure to provide the name and address of the funeral home for the delivery of funeral flowers.  The service details can be relayed later when available

Dress Code?

Though it is no longer necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire.  Conservative suits or dress-clothes, in dark, respectful colors are most appropriate.  It is advisable to avoid floral or busy patterns.

What are Typical Visitation Rights?

Upon learning of a death, it is customary for intimate friends of the family to visit the family either at their residence or funeral home.  It would probably be more comfortable for all concerned to meet at the funeral home because they are prepared for visitors. Each family should decide the number of family members needed during calling hours.  It is also not necessary for family members to engage in long conversations; a simple “Thank you, it means so much to have friends like you at this time,” is adequate. If the casket is open during calling hours, some visitors may want to bid farewell to the deceased.  Although sometimes a visitor will request that a family member accompany them to view the body, it is not a requirement.

Funeral Service Duration?

Modern funeral services are usually brief and last approximately 30 minutes.

Cemetery Service Duration?

The graveside service tends to be brief.  Customarily, once the commitment ritual is complete and the casket has been lowered to ground level, the family typically departs.  The casket is then placed in a vault, interred, and funeral flowers placed on the grave.

What Typically Happens Immediately After the Memorial Service ?

Immediately after the funeral service, the family sometimes invites the attendees to join them for food or a reception at their home or designated place.  This gives everyone a chance to talk and provides some time to relax and refresh.  Sometimes friends or church members will take it upon themselves to prepare food ahead of time and relieve the family of this task.

How Should You Respond After the Funeral?

For several days after the service, the family should be permitted to rest and have time to handle the myriad details that accompany such an occasion.  While some families enjoy the diversion of visits and calls from friends and family, others prefer complete privacy.  It is not inconsiderate to cut short calls at this time.

What About Sending Thank You Notes?

Most Funeral Directors can supply you with generalized thank you cards or the family may choose to send a more personal thank you note.  The thank you notes should be a concise, personal, and specific.  Also, yielding to modern tradition, a simple thank you card with a signature is accepted, with or without a personal note

Who Should Get a Thank You Note?

1.   Anyone who sent a gift or card to the family deserves a thank you note.  This would include anyone who sent funeral flowers, brought food, sent a memorial contribution, or in some other substantial way acknowledged the deceased. The notes should be sent within two weeks of the death

2.   A personal note is suggested for thanking the clergy person.  If an offering or donation is sent, send it in a separate envelope.  Never include it in the thank you note

3.  Pallbearers should also be sent a personal message of thanks

4.  For individuals who sent funeral flowers, you may wish to send a personal note or sympathy card.  Including a sympathy poem or sympathy quote that expresses your feelings is always thoughtful.

5.  For groups or organizations that sent flowers, send a note to the head of the group and remember to include all the members of the group in your note.  If individual member names appear on the floral card, a separate note should be sent to each one but a personal message is not necessary.

6.  Friends who have volunteered their time and effort helping in any way deserve a separate written thank you.  If the volunteers are close to the family, you may prefer to thank them in person.

Etiquette for Friends and Distant Relatives

Upon Receiving the News ? When learning that a relative or friend has died, you should express your condolences and offer assistance as soon as possible. Only very close friends of the deceased and the immediate family are expected to visit the family before the funeral. Let the family know if you will be attending the funeral.  It is important to keep the conversation brief taking in account their emotional state and that they will be receiving numerous similar calls.

Funeral Flowers Etiquette?

Unless the family asks that donations should be made in lieu of flowers, you should honor their request.  Many people consider it obligatory to send flowers unless there is a prohibitive note in the newspaper notice.

Thoughtful Memorial Gifts:

1.  Food for the Family? Food is always a welcome gift as there are always visitors around that need to be fed.  Make sure to prepare dishes that require little preparation.

2.  E-mail? E-mail is only appropriate from those who are not intimate with the family such as a business associate.

3.  Phone Calls? All calls should be as brief as possible.

4.  Mass Cards? If the deceased was a Catholic, some people will send a mass card instead of or in addition to flowers.  Catholics and non-Catholics can arrange for a mass to be said for the deceased

5.  Donation to Suggested Charity? Usually the family will designate a specific organization or charity.  Remember to provide the family’s name and address to the charity so they can send proper notification.  Often the funeral home will offer a direct link to the charity requested by the family

Dress Etiquette?

Though it is no longer necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire.  Conservative suits or dress-clothes, in dark, respectful colors are most appropriate.  It is advisable to avoid floral or busy patterns

When Paying Respects ?

It is traditional for friends to visit the funeral home prior to the day of the funeral service.  The obituary in the newspaper will have the details as to the day and time for visitations

Etiquette for Casket Viewing?

Before or after the service, friends will often go up to the casket for a final farewell. It is not obligatory and is totally left to your discretion

Attending the Service ?

It is suggested that one arrive at the funeral home at least ten minutes before the service begins.  Funeral services usually start on time and it is considered rude to be late.  Enter quietly and be seated.  Do not conduct an animated discussion in the chapel; the mood should be somber.  Do not try to talk with bereaved family members if you arrive early.  The first few rows are reserved for family members.  At the conclusion of the service, you will want to leave promptly and wait in your car if you plan to follow the procession to the cemetery.  Remember to turn your headlights on so you can be identified as being a part of the procession.  The headlights are to be turned off once you arrive at the cemetery.  Attending the graveside service is optional and is usually determined by the relationship between the individual and the bereaved family

Social Networking - Do You Really “Get It”?

 

Most of the Professionals I talk to seem to be saying the same thing:

“I really don’t get this Social Networking thing.”

 

Well if you don’t get it…the truth is…you better GET IT!”

 

I’ve concluded there are basically five main reasons why most professionals are NOT YET FULLY capitalizing on this explosive opportunity:

 

1.  Five Different Stages of “Getting It“

 

1.  They simply don’t get it and, therefore, refuse to believe it is a good place to direct any time or resources.

2.  They don’t fully get it, but they understand it is a low-cost and explosive opportunity, and also know they gotta get it soon.

3.  They are not getting it.   Yes, they are currently involved, but they are not using it properly and reaping the benefits that justify the “hype”.

4.  They fully get it, and because they have the necessary time, skills, resources, and desire to do this on their own, they’re starting to get it.

5.  They fully get it, but they simply don’t have the time or skills for all the work and technology involved, so they employ the services of a social networking company to help them get the most out of it.

 

2.   DESIRE:   

 

•   Most professionals are passionate or enjoy to doing with their time , such as their careers, hobbies, family, faith, sports, traveling, or whatever makes them truly happy.  

•   Most professionals today lack the time, skills, and most importantly, the inclination (or “burning desire”) to build, cultivate, and maintain a successful social network…particularly on an ongoing basis. 

 

2.   TECHNOLOGY:  

 

•   Studies prove that most professionals who are 40 years old or older were never afforded the luxury of growing up using the Internet and using computers every day.  

•  The reason this makes social networking particularly challenging for most professionals is because most experts will tell you it requires at least 10-15 hours of work each week, along with the aforementioned high level of computer and Internet skills.

•  Also, the Internet and these social networks are growing exponentially in size and complexity. 

•  This explosive growth makes it that much more difficult to keep up with all of the latest technologies like blogging, tweeting, uploading, scanning, managing databases, navigating software, metatags, keywords, search engine optimization, filtering spam and viruses, and much more.

 

3.    INTEGRATION: 

 

•  If you can believe this, even though most of us have heard of Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and maybe a few others, there are approximately fifty different social network websites today…and growing by leaps and bounds!

•  The good news is that this has brought about many new strategies and cutting-edge technologies, specifically designed to help integrate and coordinate these social networks…which essentially allows them to “talk to each other”.  

•  The bad news is that, with the exception of a tiny minority, most professionals lack the time or desire to access to these necessary tools, skills, training, experience, and resources. 

•  Given the current and future levels of growth in these networks and technology, this dramatically decreases the probability that professionals will produce the best possible results…nor will they likely create the best possible results from these social networks working  together.   

 

4.   TIME:  

 

•  The truth is professionals are no different than anyone else when it come to finding the best possible balance when faced with everyday life events like career, marriage, friends, social events, kids, health and fitness, hobbies, sports, email, etc. 

•  Most Americans struggle every day to manage their time in the most efficient way, especially given today’s economy.  So like most people, it is extremely unlikely professionals can find the time to regularly dedicate AT LEAST several extra hours every day.  

•  There are many reasons this requires a serious effort  and many hours of your time every day, since you have to properly manage sophisticated websites, technologies, and also communicate with a large number of people.

•   Some of the most time-consuming tasks include regularly writing emails/blogs/tweets/updates, constantly creating target marketing campaigns, joining and contributing to a large numbers of groups, learning how to adapt to unique groups of people, regularly providing new and valuable information, closely monitoring and managing an increasing group of friends or followers among multiple networks, keeping up-to-date with the newest and most innovative technologies, etc.

 

So in summary, it is very easy to see why it is not very easy to be successsful when using the Social Media Networks.  Unless you are one of the rare few who has an extensive background in technology, a vast array and access to the newest and most innovative technology tools and resources, a large amount of free time, and a burning passion to become a social networking expert, your best bet it to either:

1.  Set your expectations low, work at often as you can, and just have fun.

2.  Do what I have personally done and hire social networks professionals who can help do the large majority of this for you.  This frees up much of your time, gives you the ability to maximize your results and efficiencies, and can also dramatically expand your social network and business opportunities. 

Christopher P. Hill, Founder

http://www.funeralresources.com

 

Finally…A Website Where Funeral Directors Benefit…

 

Most Websites Want Money…I Want a Win-Win!

 

I’m Chris Hill, Founder of Funeral Resources.com. 

In addition to creating and overseeing this website, I have worked as a Financial Advisor for the past 22 years, specializing in Retirement Planning.   Working mainly with retirees, it is inevitable that I will be faced with death care (indirectly). 

As I helped several clients and their families through these difficult sitatuions, it became increasingly clear to me there would be a significant growth in the need for information and help with funeral planning and pre-planning a funeral.  

So I decided to create FuneralResources.com, I had one main goal in mind:

 

BE A DIFFERENT…AND MAKE A MEANINGFUL DIFFERENCE!!

 

Then, after losing a close family member last year, it was this personal experience that helped me figure out EXACTLY what was missing, which  is a place on the Internet where BOTH the families AND the Funeral Directors could actually come together and EQUALLY benefit.

So after lots of surveys, interviews, and research, I am very happy to say we have something different…and it will make a meaningful difference!

Today, if a Funeral Director works with us, all you have to do is send your families to our “Funeral Resource Center“ so they can be well-educated on all of the industry’s cutting-edge and popular merchandise, services, and technologies.  Also, each Funeral Director can be listed in five different Funeral Service Directories, and even find help with things like Social Network Marketing.  In other words, the entire website is geared towards offering you, the Funeral Director, multiple ways to free up your valuable time, help your families, and ultimately grow your business.

Through extensive research and a great technology team, this “Funeral Resource Center” is filled with over 25 of the most innovative and popular funeral planning tools.  Why?   Because each page also has a brief educational video clip, as well as documented details on their benefits and/or healing.  This reduces or eliminates the need for you to have to “sell”, explain, or spend your time keeping up-to-date on all of these ever-changing options. 

For the families, there are major advantages too.  Now you can be sure each family learns about these great funeral planning AND preplanning resources such as the merchandise, services, and technologies.  The reality is the large majority of them don’t even know many of these tools exist.  To prove my point, my family and I were completely unaware that we could use tools like Funeral Webcasting, DVD Video Tributes, and Memorial Websites.  However, I can guarantee you we would have used each of these great new technologies. 

On a final note, another goal of mine that I take very seriously is working and surrounding myself with the industry’s best.  On of the key ways I feel I can accomplish this is by being Members of the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), The International Cemetery and Crematory Association (ICCFA), as well as the Cremation Association of North American (CANA).

I strongly encourage every Funeral Director to take a look at our Funeral Resource Center, see how much this can improve your businesss and help your families, and as alawy, let me know if we can help in any way. 

All my best!

Chrisotpher P. Hill, Founder

www.FuneralResources.com

 

How to Market Your Business With Facebook – New York Times

A growing number of businesses are making Facebook an indispensible part of hanging out their shingles. Small businesses are using it to find new customers, build online communities of fans and dig into gold mines of demographic information.

“You need to be where your customers are and your prospective customers are,” said Clara Shih, author of “The Facebook Era” (Pearson Education, 2009). “And with 300 million people on Facebook, and still growing, that’s increasingly where your audience is for a lot of products and services.”

Start Small

 

For most businesses, Facebook Pages (distinct from individual profiles and Facebook groups) are the best place to start. Pages allow businesses to collect “fans” the way celebrities, sports teams, musicians and politicians do. There are now 1.4 million Facebook Pages and they collect more than 10 million fans every day, according to the site.

Businesses can easily create a Web presence with Facebook, even if they don’t have their own Web site (most companies still should maintain a Web site to reach people who don’t use Facebook or whose employers block access to the site). Businesses can claim a vanity address so that their Facebook address reflects the business name, like www.facebook.com/Starbucks. Facebook pages can link to the company’s Web site or direct sales to e-commerce sites like Ticketmaster or Amazon.

Facebook offers an array of tools and networks, and it’s easy to wander down too many paths. Ms. Shih recommends that newcomers start by asking themselves a simple question: What is your basic objective? Is it getting more customers in the door? Building brand awareness? Creating a venue for customer support? Once you have set your goal, you can strategize accordingly.

“You can waste a lot of time on Facebook,” said Ms. Shih, founder of Hearsay Labs, a Facebook marketing software company. “But if you’re a business, you don’t have any time to waste. Figure out your objectives first, start small and do things that help you accomplish your objectives.”

Ms. Shih suggests that businesses ask friends and family to become fans of their pages so that they display a respectable crowd of supporters when they debut. Pages can grow organically by word of mouth — the average Facebook user has 130 friends on the site — or by advertising or promotion.

You can enliven your page with photos, comments and useful information. As you grow more comfortable, you can add videos or business applications. Flaunt your personality. The page of an ice cream parlor should feel different than that of a funeral parlor. “The pages that are most successful,” said Tim Kendall, the director of monetization at Facebook, “are the ones that really replicate the personality of the business.”

Quick Tips:

Many People Cannot Attend a Funeral…
But Now They Can View it LIVE on the Internet

Funeral Webcasting
Since there are many valid reasons people cannot attend a Funeral, such as health, finances, age, work, or timing, there is new technology that exists today that is capable of broadcasting any funeral service LIVE on the Internet.  That’s right, LIVE!  All you need is to be somewhere that has an Internet connection, and you can now share in this special moment in real time.

But wait, there’s more…

It gets even better, because if you cannot attend the funeral in person, nor can you watch it LIVE on the Internet, the video footage of the memorial service can be stored for up to 90 days.  What a wonderful option this has become for so many people, especially given today’s economy and the financial challenges many people are facing.

Over the last few years Funeral Webcasting has been quickly gaining popularity among funeral homes and is now to the point where family members are beginning to request these types of services. So this is making this an extremely important for Funeral Directors to not only embrace these new technologies, but also proactively promote them to those who might be unaware that such amazing new tools are readily available

Key Benefits of Using Funeral Webcasting:

• Gives families and funeral directors a wider range of options which leads to a better overall funeral planning experience

• Helps families appreciate the funeral director more, knowing he or she is keeping up with such innovative and helpful technology

• Helps the families to join together in a much larger way for this special event

• Gives families the ability to offer this privately, to only those who they wish to invite, by using a password-protected website

• Families also have the ability to open up this memorial service of their loved one to anyone who may wish to pay their respects by choosing not to elect a password

• Allows families to include those you know really want to attend, but simply can’t make for whatever reason

• Offers family members in other countries, from all around the world, to join in their loved ones celebration of life

• Provide everyone the option to view this video again, or for the first time, after the memorial service for up to 90 days

 Given the many challenges many families face today when planning a funeral, webcasting is just one of the technologies being used to BOTH help improve the families funeral planning experience, as well as strengthen their relationships with their funeral directors.

For more information about this new tool and many of the other cutting edge funeral tools available today, you can simply CLICK HERE