Online Estate Plan

FuneralResources.com Selects Entrustet.com as a
Preferred Provider for Digital Estate Planning

FuneralResources.com, the nation’s leading family-focused online Resource Center for funeral planning and preplanning, announced today they will be selecting Entrustet as a Preferred Provider for their Digital Estate Planning services.

Entrustet’s Account Guardian is a free service that allows consumers to securely list all of their digital assets. Digital assets include any accounts which are currently being accessed through the Internet, as well as computer files.  By storing this digital information in a safe and secure place such as what Entrustet offers, this provides people and families with the option of transferring or deleting this information in the event someone passes.

To find our more information about this partnership, simply visit FuneralResources.com and click on their “Funeral Technology” tab, and then click on the drop-down link entitled “Digital Estate Planning Services”.

Hill points out that; “Today, when a family or Funeral Director visits FuneralResources.com, our Resource Center is filled with helpful articles, brief educational videos, grief counseling and support, common  funeral planning merchandise and services, as well as just about every new and innovative funeral technology tool, such as Entrustet.”

Hill’s goal with FuneralResources.com is to help raise awareness about any helpful tools that can help make such a difficult situation a little easier.  Another goal is to provide quick and easy access to resources such as articles, free How-To Guides, and the constantly evolving and growing number of useful tools and technologies that most families and Funeral Directors are commonly searching for.  Given the growth of the Internet, Social Networking, and more, having a place to store your Digital Estate Planning Assets will inevitably continue to grow, becoming a larger part of Wills, Trusts, and Estate Planning process in the years ahead.

About Entrustet: Entrustet is a free online service that allows you to securely list all of your digital assets, which are online accounts and files on your computer, and decide if you’d like them transferred to heirs or deleted when you pass away. Through its free Account Guardian service, individuals protect their digital assets by deleting them or designating heirs to oversee their personal information after their death. Users can also choose to delete private files and accounts by using the Account Incinerator. Other services include the Lawyer Directory for lawyer referrals and the Corporate Partner Program in which companies can protect their users’ last wishes.

For additional information, please contact Christopher P. Hill at (703) 917-8501, or info@funeralresources.com.

Green Funeral

Eternal Reefs Adds New Memorial Reef Site

New cremation memorial reef to be located in Galveston, Texas.

The new Texas location makes the twentieth approved site for the company to offer an eco-friendly alternative to spreading the ashes of a loved one:  participation in the preparation and placement of an individually-designed memorial reef ball that contributes to a new ecosystem.

An Eternal Reefs “memorial reef” looks like a huge, hollow concrete ball with Swiss cheese holes specially designed to entice fish and other forms of sea life into the reef, building new habitats in and around the uneven structure.  Eternal Reefs takes cremated remains and incorporates them into an environmentally safe cast cement mixture weighing between 600 pounds (2’ high x 4’ wide) and 4500 pounds (4’ high x 6’ wide).

Eternal Reefs encourages family members and friends to become involved in creating their loved one’s memorial reef. If they wish, family members can mix the concrete and remains and have the opportunity to personalize the Eternal Reef with handprints, written messages and other memorabilia in the damp concrete. The entire Eternal Reefs process is designed to be a positive and healing experience for the families and the sea.

“While many people who participate in our programs have been vitally connected to the ocean their entire life, we get to memorialize people who just like the idea of making a meaningful contribution to the health of the planet and to benefit future generations,” George Frankel, Eternal Reefs CEO, said.  “We find it provides great joy for everyone involved to know their loved one will be surrounded by marine life and to know they leave behind an environmentally-sustainable, living legacy.”

Memorial reefs have become a solution for the “shelf people” crisis across the country.  An astonishing 45 percent of families that have chosen cremation still have their loved ones remains sitting on a shelf or in a closet.  Thousands of individuals pass away unexpectedly and don’t leave a will, leaving the next generation to handle their remains.  Eternal Reefs offers a final resting place for these individuals.

With every Memorial Reef, the executor of the estate receives two memorial certificates that identify the longitude and latitude of the memorials, which are marked with bronze plaques.  Loved ones can participate in every step of the Memorial Reef process and gather for the reef casting, viewing and placement ceremonies.  Throughout the year, families and friends often return to the memorial reef site to dive, fish or visit by boat.

The new reef site off Galveston, Texas will have its first memorial service and placement November 12, 2010 at Barr’s Reef, 11 miles off the water break in Galveston Bay.   It is anticipated the families of about 15 people will participate in the activities.

About Eternal Reefs Inc.
Eternal Reefs, Inc is an Atlanta-based company that provides creative environmentally enhancing means to memorialize the cremated remains of a loved one. The company incorporates cremated remains into a concrete mixture used to cast artificial reef formations. The artificial reefs are dedicated as permanent memorials while also bolstering natural coastal reef formations. Since 1998, the company has placed more than 300 Memorial Reefs in 20 locations off the coasts of Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Maryland, New Jersey, Texas and Virginia, substantially increasing the ocean’s diminishing reef systems.  Memorial reefs can only go in properly permitted locations by the US Government.  Contact Eternal Reefs Inc.

Pre Need

Preplanning for Funeral Costs

The final expense cost of regular adult funeral including basic items, can be significant. To give you a quick overview of the costs, we’ve developed a quick chart.  Keep in mind, these basic items do not include cemetery costs, cemetery monument or grave marker costs or any other miscellaneous charges such as for flowers or obituaries.

$1,595             Non-declinable basic services fee

$  233              Removal/transfer of remains to funeral home

$  550              Embalming

$  203              Other preparation of the body

$  406              Use of facilities/staff for viewing

$  463              Use of facilities/staff for funeral ceremony

$  251              Use of a hearse

$  120              Use of a service car/van

$  119              Basic memorial printed package

$2,255             Metal Casket

$1,128             Vault

Total Cost  $7,323

For  more information about specific Final Expense Costs or strategies to Prepaying Funeral Expenses and Funeral Planning, you’ll find a wealth of information throughout our website, FuneralResources.com.

Grief and Loss

Helping Grieving Family – Not Expensive

An inexpensive, yet valuable offering to help a family while they are grieving is the ability to truly listen. You might say, “I know that!”  Listening can actually be harder to do than it sounds. We are living in a society today where we are conditioned to the 10-second sound bite. We focus for a moment, then turn our attention elsewhere.

People who have experienced a loss often say that no one will listen to them. They do not feel heard. Quickly they learn to say “I’m fine” because “I’m fine” doesn’t make the listener uncomfortable. Grieving people want to tell their story. They need to be heard, they need grief support.

How does one become an effective listener?

Silence: Be okay with silence. Don’t be in a rush to fill in the empty spaces while people are giving you their story. Just be patient and listen.

Wait: It is often tempting when people are struggling to assimilate new information to give too much advice too quickly. Allow some space between advice/information giving to provide the family member a chance to voice their desires and needs.

Focus on the individual: In today’s world we are constantly being bombarded with stimulation that can result in overload. You might have to consciously remind yourself to put down the pen, fold your hands on your lap, use direct eye contact and relax.

Use key words: Let the family member know they are heard by saying, “I hear you”, or “What I hear you saying is…”, or “How hard it must be…” or even ask them, “Do you feel like you have been heard?”

Body language: A grieving person may not be aware consciously of your body language but it is conveyed nonetheless. Sitting with your arms crossed, leaning far back in your chair, or having your desk or a large table between you and the family member could convey the message that there is distance between you. That can be interpreted that you are not being an effective listener.

Perception: Since the bereaved are extra sensitive they often can tell if you are actively engaged in listening to them or if you are just being “nice” and trying to get them out the door.  Perhaps many times in your career when dealing with grieving families you have had to check your frame of mind to see if you are in a receiving mode or just trying to be polite. Continue to monitor yourself. It will be worth it.

The simple act of listening to a grieving family member brings much comfort. One last thing you can do is make sure to give them your list of local resources that are specifically geared to listening to grieving individuals such as local therapists offering grief counseling, grief support groups, or grief message boards on the internet.

Are you looking for others with whom you can relate? Visit the Beyond Indigo forums to connect with others who are on their grief journeys.

© 2010 Kelasan, Inc.

Estate Planning

Sometimes NOT Having A Tax Can Actually Create A Problem for Taxpayers:

Insurance Trusts and Generation Skipping Taxes in 2010

No Generation Skipping Taxes.

Since January and through the end of December of 2010, there is no Generation Skipping Transfer (GST) Tax, unless Congress changes the law in the meantime. The GST tax was part of the temporary repeal for one year of the estate tax, which automatically expires at the end of 2010. Starting January 1, 2011, the estate tax and the GST tax come back in full fury with up to a 55% rate of tax. Your estate can suffer both an estate tax and a GST tax at 55% each.

Insurance Trusts.

Trusts which own life insurance are one of the most efficient ways to avoid estate and GST taxes. Over the lifetime of the life insurance policy, the taxpayer may pay $300,000 in premiums, but the taxpayer’s heirs receive $1,000,000 of the death benefit of the life insurance tax free if the insurance is owned by an Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust. If the taxpayer still owns or controls the life insurance (not owned by an independent trust), then the taxpayer may have to pay estate and GST taxes at rates up to 55% on the $1,000,000 in 2011 and thereafter. People are often confused by this because there is no capital gain tax on the difference between the $300,000 paid for the policy and the $1,000,000 death benefit to the heirs. But, there is an estate tax on life insurance proceeds you own which is not in a trust even though there is no capital gains tax on the “profit”.

Creating the Insurance Trust.

Fred creates a life insurance trust, transfers the initial premium payments to the trustee of the trust (his CPA) and the CPA as trustee purchases the life insurance policy on behalf of the trust. The result is that when Fred dies, the $1,000,000 death benefit is available to Fred’s heirs with no estate taxes. If the life insurance trust creates lifetime trusts for Fred’s two children, Ellen and Paul, then Ellen and Paul split the $1,000,000 in their lifetime trusts and Ellen and Paul pay no estate taxes in their estates on the life insurance proceeds. Fred loves his grandchildren and sets up this life insurance trust to say that when Ellen and Paul die, then the grandchildren can also receive the remaining money in the insurance trust without any estate taxes. This can go on for generations and create a “Dynasty Trust”.

Annual Gifts of Premiums.

Each year Fred sends the annual premium of $20,000 to Fred’s CPA and the CPA pays the $20,000 for the annual premium payments for the insurance owned by the trust. Each year, the CPA sends a notice to Ellen of her right to take out $10,000 each year for 30 days and sends the same notice to Paul for his $10,000. Each year, Ellen and Paul do not ask for their respective $10,000. As a result, if proper procedures are followed, the $20,000 paid each year is exempt from gift taxes (which could be due from Fred) and if Fred’s total gifts per year are less than the annual exemption per person, $13,000 this year, then there is no gift tax paid on the $20,000 and no decrease in the $1,000,000 gift tax exemption of Fred.

Generation Skipping Trust Gifts.

If Ellen has the ability to unilaterally decide when she dies who gets her accumulated annual $10,000 gifts to the insurance trust, then all of the $10,000 gifts are part of her taxable estate as well as her $500,000, her 50% share of the $1,000,000 life insurance death benefit. We want the benefit of excluding this $500,000 from the estate of Fred and also from the estate of Ellen. So, we do not give Ellen the right unilaterally to decide who may get her accumulated $10,000 annual premium payments. When we do this, two things occur: (1) It is not part of Ellen’s taxable estate and (2) the $10,000 annual gift for the benefit of Ellen to the insurance trust does not qualify as a gift exempt from GST taxes. Unless we do something, the $1,000,000 death benefit could be subject to the 55% GST tax. What normally is done is that the CPA files a gift tax return each year using $20,000 of Fred’s exemption from the GST tax. This is a highly leveraged beneficial use of the GST tax exemption. Many insurance trusts are set up this way.

No Tax, No Exemption.

In 2010, there is no GST tax and therefore no exemption from GST tax. In 2010, the CPA can not file a paper with the IRS claiming a $20,000 exemption from GST tax. Does this mean that part or all of the death benefits are in the taxable estate of Ellen or Paul or is subject to GST tax in the estate of Fred? For all of those who have such insurance trusts, it is necessary that you take action quickly to solve this problem.

Loan the Premium.

The solution that many advisors are recommending is that instead of gifting the $20,000 in 2010, Fred should loan the $20,000 to the CPA in 2010 to avoid this problem. The insurance trust, not the CPA, is the borrower. In future years, the loan can be paid back to Fred either from additional gifts by Fred to the trust or a loan from the insurance policy.

Action Necessary if You Have an Insurance Trust.

If you have an insurance trust, be sure to analyze whether your trust has this problem in 2010.  If so, we strongly suggest you seek the help of a seasoned Estate Planning Attorney as soon as possible.  The Estate Planning Attorney Preferred Provider we recommend is Roger McClure, President of Washington Wealth Counsellors.  He can be reached at roger@wealthcounsellors, or (571) 633-0330.

Funeral Technology

Sharing a Personal Story

The Powerful Combination of a DVD Video Tribute 

and Custom Funeral Music

Talking About Losing a Loved One is NEVER Easy:

My name is Chris Hill, and many of you know I am the founder of FuneralResources.com. 

First of all, I must admit that is not easy for me to publicly talk about the fact that I lost my mother a few years ago, or to say how much I love her and miss her. 

And quite frankly, it is even hard to admit that looking back, I wish I could have done things diffrerently.

Live Every Day Like There’s No Tomorrow:

The truth is I wish I was with her more.  I wish I could have told her how much she meant to me.  I wish I had told her how special and amazing she really was.  I wish I told her how much I appreciated everything she did for me.  I wish she knew how lucky I was that she was my mother and friend.  Most of all, I wish I would have been there with her…and shared more time with her…particularly in her final stages.  But as much as it haunts me, I can’t turn back the clock.

Truthfully, I will always believe she needed to hear these things from me, and I will always regret the fact that I never had the chance to tell her how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her. 

However, knowing how special she was…how selfless she was..and how unconditional her love was for her family and friends…I truly believe she knows, and that she forgives me for not being there as much as I think I should have…and letting her know the things I wished I had told her.

See How Funeral Technology Combines With Custom Crafted Songs:

Today I feel very blessed to share with you this great opportunity I was recently given.  I was able to create a special memorial tribute for my mother, which is comprised of three all-important pieces: 

1.  Creating a personalized DVD Video Tribute for my mother

2.  Choosing the best photos of my mother thoughout her life…the ones that help me see her as I remember her…and also help me remember all of the great times and memories we shared together.

3.  Creating a custom funeral song, which was written, produced, and sung by a very special and talented woman, Anna Huckabee.  Anna creates custom funeral music which is solely created to tell an individual’s story of their special and unique life.  You can hear Anna’s song she created exclusively for me and my mother in this video.  

Know About Some of the New Options Available:

I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to have this professionally crafted and personalized video tribute as a memorial, since someone like her truly deserves nothing but the best.  This video says so much, and helps me tell the story and message I hope she hears every day…and knows and believes in her heart. 

Best of all, creating this video helped me in coping with grief and loss, but also provided me with something truly special that I can always remember her by…as that amazing and beautiful person you can see.

It is never easy to talk about someone you love who has passed, but I share this with you because I truly hope anyone who has lost a loved also considers taking advantage of this great opportunity! 

Also, there are many other great new funeral technology tools that you should learn more about that, like me, might help you make these tough times a little easier.

Chris Hill, Founder

eBook Library

A Gift of Love – Create a Love Drawer

Many financial professionals believe that life insurance should be referred to as “love insurance”. As cliché as this may sound, it certainly has a tremendous amount of merit. What better gift is there to give your family and loved ones upon your death than a large sum of money to be used for such things as income replacement, college tuition, retirement, taxes or estate taxes, charitable gifts, and much more? And if you really think about it, the last thing you would want to add to your family at the time of their emotional loss and grieving is financial pressure.

Watch this brief 2-minute video on what a “love drawer” is…and why it is so important:

Most of us would agree, including financial professionals, that life insurance plays an large role in creating a sound comprehensive financial plan. So in keeping with this theme of love, here is an even better idea. How about also adding another layer of love…a love drawer.

What Exactly Is a “Love Drawer”?

Simply put, a love drawer is a place where the person (or people) you choose can turn to, should you pass unexpectedly, to find all of your important information. This includes complete and instructions for all of the aspects of your life including things like your last wishes, financial affairs, special instructions, personal messages, and even your end-of-life plans and preferences.

What Key Information Should be Kept in This “Love Drawer”?

Below you will find a list of most (but certainly not all) of your personal and money matters that should be needed and addressed:

1. The firm name, address, and phone number of your Estate Planning Attorney
2. Your actual Will or Trust
3.  Insurance Information
4.  IRA’s and Life Insurance Information
5.  Investment Information
6.  Employer Information
7.  Social Security Statements
8.  Debts and Corresponding Contact Information
9.  Deeds or Titles
10.  Burial Wishes
11.  Love Notes
12. Any Other Important Documents

A Few Other Ideas – Our recommendation is that you tell at least three people who you love and trust where they can find this love drawer. These people can be anyone such as your spouse, parent, child, friend, or even your financial advisor or attorney. In addition, even though it may seem obvious, I would ask them to please respect your privacy and never open this drawer until it is absolutely necessary. These entrusted loved ones will be the ones who help ensure that someone will be there to step up promptly and act upon the details and instructions you have carefully assembled in your love drawer.

We encourage you to update this love drawer at least every two years. One of the few things we can guarantee in life is that things will change. Given the fact that we have many things in our lives that are constantly changing like taxes, estate taxes, family, age, health, wealth, our final wishes, etc., we should regularly review and revise this love drawer. These updates help to reflect any financial or personal matters that should be added, revised, or removed.

Receive our Free eBook – How to Create a Love Drawer

Funeral Costs

Top 10 Reasons to Pre-Arrange Your Final Expenses

When You Die, Show Your Family How Much You Love Them

by Minimizing Their Emotional and Financial Pressures

When you die, it should be obvious that your family and loved ones will be emotionally devastated as they try to cope with this grief and loss, but adding the stress of funeral costs and funeral plans is a burden you can help relieve.  So knowing these facts, one of the greatest gifts of love is to minimize (or preferably eliminate) as much of the emotional and financial pressures as possible.

The sad reality is that more than 70% of those who die today fail to leave behind as much as a Will for their family and loved ones.  As unacceptable as that may sound, it gets even worse.  More than 85% of those who die today leave their family with no knowledge of their end-of-life plans, preferences, or expenses.

Top 10 Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral

1.  Upon your passing, most people don’t have any idea how to get started, what they should know, or who they can turn to. Preplanning your funeral or burial arrangements can significantly minimize the stress and pressure that can accompany such a difficult time of grief and loss.

2.  This advanced planning offers you the opportunity to decide and control just about every detail of your memorial service and how you will be remembered.

3.  By documenting your last wishes, you can ensure that you and your remains are handled, cared for, and placed somewhere that fits you and your preference.

4.  By creating a plan for your final affairs, this can also minimize or eliminate any uncertainties or disputes among your family members. For example, one of the small details that can actually cause serious family disagreements are special family heirlooms.

5.  Preplanning takes the guesswork out of the common questions of “what do we do next” or “what would you have wanted”? A properly structured preplan ensures that your loved ones know exactly what to do, as well as instructions on how to most efficiently implement your bequests.

6.  After suffering the loss of a loved one, some of the biggest challenges your family will face are thing like time constraints, little or no experience with these matters, and limited access to the best possible help and guidance.  Therefore, one of the biggest advantages of creating a sound end-of-life plan is that, if it is properly structured, it can reduce (or even eliminate) the large majority of these difficulties.

7.  Through preplanning your funeral, as well as paying for your burial and covering your final expenses in advance, this creates a much better overall experience and memorial service for you, your family, and even your Funeral Director.

8.  Since preplanning reduces or avoids a great deal of the obstacles involved in planning a funeral, this extra time allows your family to work through other important matters such as dealing with the grief and loss, planning your memorial service, notifying your loved ones, creating your obituary, writing a eulogy, etc.  The more free time your family has, the much more likely it is they can create a truly special celebration of your life and memories.

9.  After completing your preplanning preferences for your family, this actually ends up enhancing your future too. By having these details planned out in advance, you can now enjoy the “peace of mind” to live every day knowing that you have taken the time to leave behind one of the greatest gifts of love.

10.  By selflessly taking the time to create a comprehensive end-of-life plan, you will always be remembered in a special way. Your family and loved ones will never forget the fact that you sacrificed your time and resources to take care of these all-important details. In reality, what you’ve done is created an everlasting memory that shows just how much you truly love the ones you care most about.

Action Item – Give Your Family What They Deserve:

When it comes to the things that are important in our lives, proper planning and preparation are some of the key to a successful outcome.  In this situation, my sincere hope is that these 10 reasons serve as an inspiration and incentive to start this planning and preparation today, and become proactive about these all-important estate planning matters. 

Although most families never talk about these kinds of things, just about every family member and loved one would prefer to have these plans in place.  Quite frankly, I think they should demand this from you.  So at the very least, leave your family with two things they absolutely deserve:

1) A Last Will and Testament (or Living Trust)
2) A Comprehensive End-of-Life Plan, which includes pre-arranging your final plans, preferences, and also your expenses

I can assure you that your family will thank you, see how much you loved and cared about them, and also remember your efforts as being one of the greatest gifts you have ever given them.

Grief and Loss

Romance Do’s and Don’ts Following Loss

There are definitely some things to keep in mind when being in a new relationship with someone who has lost their spouse and some Do’s and Don’ts to consider.

The Don’ts

No Place for Jealousy: Countless people have written in to Beyond Indigo with frustration dripping from their emails. They want to know when their boyfriend/girlfriend is going to “get over” their past relationship. We have heard people say they feel there is a third person in their relationship; the third person being the deceased. Resist the urge to be jealous if you want your new relationship to continue. Instead, listening to the stories about the other’s loss helps him/her to grieve and heal. Remember your new boyfriend/girlfriend chose to date you even though they are grieving.

Stop Talking: One of the most common errors (at least in western society) is that people stop talking about a person once he/she has died. Do not act like your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s past mate never existed. It will hurt your relationship instead of making it stronger.

The Do’s

Keep Communicating: Talk, talk and keep talking. Talk about everything. Do not assume that your boyfriend/girlfriend is mad at you, or hates you, or doesn’t want to be with you anymore because he or she is sad. Most likely, the emotions that he or she is feeling have nothing to do with you and everything to do with grief. The more you talk about daily issues the easier it will be talk when the heavy emotional content emerges. A key to strong relationship is fluid communication.

I Love You! Express the positive feelings you have towards your new love. Time is short and you do not want to waste it stewing over feelings. Take the time to say I love you in many ways.

Eating, Sleeping & Drinking Water: Help your new love by watching if he/she is eating three healthy meals a day. (Potato chips and chocolate do not count!) Another key thing is sleep. If your new partner is having difficulty sleeping or has troubled dreams beyond six months after the loss, suggest that he or she should see a doctor. Getting rest helps the grieving process. Finally, keep an eye on your boyfriend/girlfriend to make sure that he or she is drinking plenty of water. Alcohol and caffeine dehydrate the body instead of giving it the nourishment it needs. Grieving is hard work and it takes a lot of energy.

Are you looking for others with whom you can relate? Visit the Beyond Indigo forums to connect with others who are on their grief journeys.

© 2010 Kelasan, Inc.

Funeral Etiquette

What to Do & What Not to Do

Since people in our culture have not had much opportunity to be socialized regarding how to act at a funeral or how to be helpful to the bereaved, it falls upon professionals to assist people in these areas. I call it giving people “tools” to put in their “toolbox”.  Below is a list that can be copied and given out at services, left at churches or presented in school classrooms. In the instances of particularly harsh or draining deaths, I would suggest that information about that loss is placed first on the handout. This helps the people who are grieving so that they do not have to repeat the same story ad nauseaum.

Things are NOT Helpful While Someone is Grieving:

Don’t Talk About God: Please don’t tell us our loved one is with God. We really would rather have our loved one still here with us on earth. Especially in the case of a deceased child the reminder he/she is not with us just hurts us more.

Don’t Bring A Ham: Right at the time of loss everyone feels like bringing us a meal. Please, if you know we have food to feed an army save your generosity for another time. I will be grieving for three to seven years. A meal will be really nice once everyone leaves after the funeral.

Don’t Forget: Please do not forget me after the funeral is over. I DO want to talk to people about my loss. Expect that I will cry and that you were not the one to cause the tears to flow. A phone call, a note in the mail or flowers would be appreciated.

Don’t Expect Me..: Do not expect me to be the same after my loss. I may be forgetful, have lower energy or just not want to socialize as much. Some events like holidays maybe very overwhelming for me. Realize it is not you. Please keep inviting me and in time I will rejoin events.

Don’t Set Me Up On Dates: If I have lost my mate please do not ask me when I am going to date again. This type of conversation causes me pain. It is normal for people to choose their own time when they are ready to look for a new mate. Remember some of us may never date again and that is okay too.

Things that CAN be Helpful to the Grieving:

Do Call Me: The phone is a great way to see how I am doing. If I choose not to answer I will let voice mail pick it up. After the funeral it gets really lonely and people seem to disappear.

Do Speak Their Name: The person I lost lived a wonderful life. Please share your memories with me and speak their name. Just because he/she has died doesn’t mean they are gone. Please let their life mean something to someone. This is important to me.

Do Remember The Special Days: When everyone else is celebrating holidays and religious events keep in mind that I am remembering my loss. This holiday or spiritual event will never be the same for me again.  Phone calls, cards, flowers all would be a nice touch.

Do Give Me Gifts: Did you know there are services out there to help me while I am grieving? Memory gifts are now appearing that can help me during my time of grief. Even simple things like chocolates, scented soaps, bath soaks and a gift certificate to a massage would be fantastic.

Are you looking for others with whom you can relate? Visit the Beyond Indigo forums to connect with others who are on their grief journeys.

© 2010 Kelasan, Inc.