Grief and Loss
What is Bereavement?
Bereavement is a major category within grief and loss and for grief counselors. There are many forms of grief due to loss which may require the assistance of a professional grief counselor but bereavement in particular is something extremely difficult to deal with alone.
First, bereavement is the act of grieving due to death of a loved one or friend. Although the loss of someone due to divorce or a breakup can bring about severe grief and muster up all the various feelings and characteristics of a grief episode, bereavement is a state of mourning a loss due to death.
Again, the grief felt by someone who is mourning a loved one in other ways should not be diminished but the approach to healing within the context of the bereaved requires a different approach.
Death is Final
Let’s begin with the simple fact that those dealing with bereavement are facing a situation that cannot change with regard to the subject of their grief episode. When mourning someone because of death there is nothing anyone can do to bring them back. This is not to say that healing will require forgetting about them but learning how to cope with grief and work through the stages of grief in this context is different than any other type of grief.
For instance, when grieving the loss of a relationship there are several things that may or may not take place. There might be a need to interact with the other party due to finances or children. There may also be the desire to return to that relationship after time or there may be a complete break with no expectation to ever communicate with that person again. In any event there may be severe grief present but the person suffering from the grief has a different set of choices about moving on and none of them have to deal with the ultimate finality of death.
Let us also note that grief feelings arise from situations considered far less severe than death but can feel equally overwhelming. It is completely natural to feel grief if we lose our job, find out we are seriously or terminally ill, discover a friend is moving away, and even if our pet goldfish dies. These examples indicate to us that our life is going to change and in some cases be turned up side down completely due to our loss. They also can instill a sense of fear which can contribute to our anxiety during grief but these situations all lack the element of finality which those in bereavement must face.
Each Loss is Different
Since bereavement involves grief due a loss by death each individual will react differently depending on their life experience dealing with death and the relationship they shared with the deceased. There should never be any expectation or pressure placed on someone regarding how they should behave during a period of bereavement. Some people tend to keep their emotions inside, while others reach out in their time of need. Many people will not show any signs of extreme sadness in the initial stages of grief and that’s ok. The important thing is to recognize that someone is grieving and will need to deal with that grief on their own terms.
Here’s some additional information about specific grief and loss:
Dealing with the loss of a spouse is different than the loss of a pet, but there is a reasonable expectation that there may be severe grief involved under both circumstances. Further, losing a spouse at the age of 85 can present an entirely different experience than losing a spouse tragically at the age of 25. Losing a brother when you are a child is far different than losing a brother in the later stages of life. And, there is no rule that the grief you feel for the loss of a coworker should be any less significant than the loss of a parent. The point is that there are no rules when it comes to grieving.
Fortunately, this is a well known idea to grief counselors and members of bereavement groups. They are well equipped to understand that no one will react to a loss due to death exactly the same. The key to effectively dealing with one’s own grief is to comprehend that there is no right or wrong way to react or behave as long as they understand that they are actually experiencing grief and that this grief needs attention.
