Understanding the Stages of Grief

Even through not everyone will grieve in the exact same way, the idea of stages represents movement towards healing and this alone can be very comforting for someone lost in despair.

When it comes to bereavement in particular, the stages of grief may appear reasonable but to expect someone’s feelings to be neatly arranged into such nice little periods of recovery is simply not realistic.

One thing is for sure. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone is different and their reactions to grief and bereavement will differ greatly. There should never be any pressure for someone to grieve in a certain manner or according to a chart found in a text book.

Bereavement is very personal. And it makes sense that the age of the person mourning the loss of a loved one, or friend, and the relationship they had with that person would affect the severity of the grief they may experience. Also relevant may be the amount of experience an individual has with the grieving process. Nobody would choose to grieve if they didn’t have to but the grieving process is different for a man in his seventies who has most likely suffered loss in his life, than it is for a child of seven who may be grieving the loss of a parent.

The personal elements regarding bereavement are too numerous to cover but to consider the wide range of emotions and situations should reaffirm the notion that grief feelings will manifest themselves differently in all of us. And because of this it is important not to assume that the process of bereavement will follow any particular path.

Stages of Grief

Many grief counselors use the 5 stages of grief to help categorize the expected feelings one may experience during episodic grief but keep in mind these stages are not arbitrary and should only serve as a loose guide at best. They are Denial, Anger, Guilt, Depression and Acceptance.

1. Denial – When the bereaved denies that the loss has actually occurred. This is at the initial time of loss, when we cannot believe what is happening.
2. Anger - The second stage is anger, when our grief makes us be angry at the person we are grieving or the situation that put us into grief. The bereaved
   may even focus anger toward themselves.
3. Bargaining – When the bereaved tries to bargain with God or themselves to make the deceased reappear.
4. Depression - Depression is anger turned toward ourselves and we feel powerless and helpless over our grief and fearful about our future without the
   significant person in our lives. When the bereaved takes on the physical results of the mental strain they under due to grieving, depression sets
   it. This is a time of extreme sadness and hopelessness.
5. Acceptance - When the bereaved reaches the theoretical end to the grieving process and realizes the loss real and they must move on in some way. Acceptance
   does not mean we forget or ignore our grief and loss; it is more that we accept our situation and begin to rebuild our lives.

Grief is a Process

There is no such thing as building on these stages. They come and go as time goes by. Through the process of grief counseling you will be guided through the stages and given grief coping skills to help you along the way. But there should not be time constraints or pressures regarding strict adherence to the stages. It is simply not realistic to believe our emotions can be neatly packaged into categories during periods of grief.