Bereavement and Grief Counseling Information

What is Bereavement?

Bereavement is a major category within grief counseling. There are many forms of grief due to loss which may require the assistance of a professional grief counselor but bereavement in particular is something extremely difficult to deal with alone.

First, bereavement is the act of grieving due to death of a loved one or friend. Although the loss of someone due to divorce or a breakup can bring about severe grief and muster up all the various feelings and characteristics of a grief episode, bereavement is a state of mourning a loss due to death.

Again, the grief felt by someone who is mourning a loved one in other ways should not be diminished but the approach to healing within the context of the bereaved requires a different approach.

Let’s begin with the simple fact that those dealing with bereavement are facing a situation that cannot change with regard to the subject of their grief episode. When mourning someone because of death there is nothing anyone can do to bring them back. This is not to say that healing will require forgetting about them but learning how to cope with grief in this context is different than any other type of grief.

For instance, when grieving the loss of a relationship there are several things that may or may not take place. There might be a need to interact with the other party due to finances or children. There may also be the desire to return to that relationship after time or there may be a complete break with no expectation to ever communicate with that person again. In any event there may be severe grief present but the person suffering from the grief has a different set of choices about moving on and none of them have to deal with the ultimate finality of death.

Let us also note that grief feelings arise from situations considered far less severe than death but can feel equally overwhelming. It is completely natural to feel grief if we lose our job, find out we are seriously or terminally ill, discover a friend is moving away, and even if our pet goldfish dies. These examples indicate to us that our life is going to change and in some cases be turned up side down completely due to our loss. They also can instill a sense of fear which can contribute to our anxiety during grief but these situations all lack the element of finality which those in bereavement must face.

Stages of Grief

Many grief counselors use the 5 stages of grief to help categorize the expected feelings one may experience during episodic grief but keep in mind these stages are not arbitrary and should only serve as a loose guide at best. They are Denial, Anger, Guilt, Depression and Acceptance.

The point is that even though not everyone will grieve in the exact same way, the idea of stages represents movement towards healing and this alone can be very comforting for someone lost in despair.

When it comes to bereavement in particular, the stages of grief may appear reasonable but to expect someone’s feelings to be neatly arranged into such nice little periods of recovery is simply not realistic.

One thing is for sure. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone is different and their reactions to grief and bereavement will differ greatly. There should never be any pressure for someone to grieve in a certain manner or according to a chart found in a text book.

Bereavement is very personal. And it makes sense that the age of the person mourning the loss of a loved one, or friend, and the relationship they had with that person would affect the severity of the grief they may experience. Also relevant may be the amount of experience an individual has with the grieving process. Nobody would choose to grieve if they didn’t have to but the grieving process is different for a man in his seventies who has most likely suffered loss in his life, than it is for a child of seven who may be grieving the loss of a parent.

The personal elements regarding bereavement are too numerous to cover but to consider the wide range of emotions and situations should reaffirm the notion that grief feelings will manifest themselves differently in all of us. And because of this it is important not to assume that the process of bereavement will follow any particular path.

How to Cope With Grief

Coping with grief is not easy and putting undue pressure on one’s self or anyone else to follow a plotted course to recovery is not suggested. It is not certain that each or any of the above mentioned stages of grief will be entered at any particular time or order. Often, people may exhibit characteristics of more than one grief stage at the same time and freely move between stages without any evidence of healing. There is simply no time frame to recover from grief nor should there be. And, under no circumstance should there be any shame associated with feeling certain emotions or not feeling them.

During bereavement it is a good idea to reach beyond one’s comfort zone and rely on a support system made of friends, relatives, grief counselors, support groups and/or faith based activities. Even though grieving is quite personal, others have been through it and seeking out support can be very empowering.

Grief counseling is a particularly effective method of dealing with grief. Simply seeking out and visiting a counselor will not take away the pain of losing a loved one, but being pro active and seeking support to assess and set up a plan of action for recovery is a step in the right direction.